drunk & hotGIRLS

I enjoy my friends....


we party way to much and... drinking has become, not apart of me but it feels great, the after affect. You feel so numb and you have control, but you choose to loose it. You can stop pretending and just chill.

drinking is like shopping... getting drunk is like eating a hot breakfast. vomiting on the 4 and 5 trains (NYC) thats like getting yelled at by your parents....ahem.

I'm a reg. girl, partying to much, not drinking enough.



thats all.

people

growing my mom always showed me dogs and told me, that when people own dogs for a long time they begin to look like their owner, and vice-versa. i began to see it more and more. then as i told her stories about how my friends act and how they're so up tight, and not full of life she suggested meeting their parents.

my mom, shes completely blazè‘bla, like nothing fazes her, and she so nonchalant. i've picked that up, but then i've realized how unopen i've become because its, "noone's business". opening up in relationships is even hard. I've mastered expression through writing. but verbally i'm a mess. my mom doesnt believe in trust, nor do i. she quoted the bible millions of times, saying "trust in no man says the Lord trust in me i am the Lord." not being able to trust completely, i'll never reveal true feelings. learning as i go, i realize how much more of my mother i'm being. shes cool though, her aura is great. but i have a slight attitude. i think i argue way to much when i'm wrong.
anywho...

people are their parents.
my friends worry to much about the little things, and shit like whats going to happen next, and i'm like lets finish the day 1st. its always "what if" with them. never wanting ot just go out their and do. another one of my characteristics. my ex is to much like his mom... so needy, and oblivious to other people's emotions. another ex, is just, he's almost like really picky, picks so many issues, and i used to call him a nag and a bitch because he bitched so much but you can't blame him. because so did his mother. i guess your influenced by the people your mainly around. my parents divorced when i was like 6 i believe, so mom was there alot, i visit dad but not enough to act like him.
although i do, because we're both sagittarius', so its hard not to act like him.

but i just don't like it when i see so much of my friends parent in them, you just want to say "STFU!! AND SPEAK FOR YOURSELF!!" but noone can help it.
its natural.




{another thing my mom says}

monophobia

First thing monday morning I'm gonna pack my tears away. - Toni



So... as we age we search for happiness, in love. But I've learned, from Woody Allen that:

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer. Not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness."

Fear of being alone is critical. But there comes a time where we must go our own way. Alone is just something we have to settle for. And I use the word "settle" loosly. But lonliness is not permanent, breakups ususally hurt the most and life still goes on.
Single again. You hate thinking about him. You settle.
Trying hard not to settle again you strive for better. Burying your self in too much homework, activities after school, your lousy cashier job and parent jumping down your back about college applications, you feel everything is in its correct place. Trying to cope with reality is hard so you block it out.
I'm a shopper, so just imagine how i block reality out, I have overdrafts on my bank cards...


The decision I made earlier... *playing; Why does it hurt so bad - Whitney Houston* But, I'll be forever theirs.

tired; trends

FELLAS! Honestly, what the fuckk happened to the genuine and sincere guys???


–adjective, -sin-seer
1. free of deceit, hypocrisy, or falseness; earnest: a sincere apology.
2. genuine; real: a sincere effort to improve; unimpaired.


I don't mean sensitive, or overly emotional. Like COME ONNN it's 2008, I want you to be smoooth. Smooth like butter. Like we (bitches) want you to be debonaire a fuckin' casanova! Shun, I want you to sweep me up on a magical carpet. I want you to say "tummy" instead of abdomen. I want you to not smother me. I need space but dont be sooo distant. I want us to hang out like me and my guy friends (if you have guy friends... because i dont) I want us to go shopping TOGETHER, not you holding my bags and watching. (althought imma debit card/catalog kinda girl =/) yea.. go missing for x amount of days, but its to keep things fresh. I want you to whisper sweet nothings in my ear, and actually fulfill the. We have to share secrets. You have to understand that my girls come 1st, even the "triflin" ones. I need you to fuck what your boys say, because they DO want me. =x


All of these guys now are just "fck bitches get money" biggy and kim type shit.
NOT FEELING IT! Be genuine.. be you, but not so much you.

Love is the slowest form of suicide...

erotophobia

Seriously, I'm a sucker for cuddling, kisses on my neck, and sushi. Mix all of them together and feed it to me please. Guys are an accesory and its cool if you have one, but one things for sure ladies, they get older but they don't grow up. Happily, I come to you in search of an answer for why now, like RIGHT NOW, when I'm soo confident in myself and my relationship, would ex's I've adorded are returning? My love life isnt at all bad, except for my crazy blackouts on the phone and such. But overall we're in blissmode, wordLIFE.

I'm totally trying to move forward. Ex's, i dont mind that your back, but pleaseee pleaseeeeeee PLEASE! respect that I've moved farther past "us".
Their existence isnt anything new, they've been here before you and they will continue to be here. Reminicing as I am trying to forget, causes confusion in whom I really and truly miss. ..."Love is a battlefield"... I'm far from lovesick but am I really?.. Going back is just outdated. I'm focused, i dont really want to think about the past to much, although everything that occured shapped me. =/


Essentially, absence is the judgement that there is something more important than fear.

Love conquers all.