only lovers see

at some point, shit needs to change. he takes so much of my energy and i need to stop allowing this. i need to stop allowing people to control my emotions. lately i've been feeling strange, i've noticed how extremely nonchalant i've become even more so than the years before. as history repeats i cant help but question myself on my motives. my mind body and soul never work together properly, always in constant competition. who can get out first (soul), who will she listen to now (mind), my appearance falling apart (body). there is just tooo much of my energy being wasted on nothing of importance. the way i feel should only be manipulated by me and it saddens me knowing you have this much power over me. people become so reckless when they realise the amount of control they possess. this goes for everyone though. Almost like when we're children and we want pets, we want something to tame and train. theres something in us that drives us to become power hungry. most of my energy has been wasted on people who offer nothing, on people who have left no indellible marks on my life. i've been exchanging energies for almost a decade now and i'm tired. i can't believe i played myself like this.

you make it hard to breathe and i cant stand you. impossible to live with the thought of you. you're there or you're not, i dont know, but i always see you. remember? remember when i told you everything that used to be on my mind and you wouldnt say shit. you listened because responding could've lead to my demise or my birth. you watched the way you moved around me, because my animaliatic behavior would've allowed me to sense your fear, curiosity, deceit, and weariness. you were also careful of what you said to me. i told you i was fragile and when you're dealing with fragile people you have to remember, we break easily. we'll walk around with a sign on our head that says "not easliy broken" becase we want to see who will take care of us. we're tough because you're not. we know about you. the gentle creatures know about you. i come from a place where everything the common person thinks is a fairy tale almost always isn't. pigs do fly and humans too, in an act of desperation i get lost in my dreams... take me away. heartbreak, i'm so used to it. or is it the other way around? i break hearts? let me tell you something, he says, i want to sleep alone tonight. tonight. tonight. tonight.

now keep in mind that i'm an artist

...and i'm sensitive about my shit.

chipped glass chipped face chipped nails, fuck you fuck me fuck up. he left me again, but whats new? *laughs ecstatically* broken thoughts, heart trembles when i see you, and you know i saw you. loving you is just like air, honestly what did you think of me? tell me. lie to me. whatever. and i am laughing at you. i told you who i was, who i'm trying to be, but who am i? who are we? just like air you're never really there. you're just. like. air. you're alwaysssss there -- so, life isn't all i thought it was. life has been a dream since i've heard the nursery song, row row row your boat consider my life a movie because nothing else seems to fit the description. classic tale of a young girl who i've already mentioned. i've been through it. there are times in our lives when we must break routine. people think they're making they're own futures but its already been foreseen. i'm sad because noone wants a change, instead people are still looking for someone to blame. annoyed. tired. high. low. corrupt. religion. own. me. slavery. shit. fuck. shutthefuckup.