.nem ot kcab tnew i

i've never left. but did you think about me while i was gone? while you were driving down atlanic ave eating a turkey burger? i wonder how often you consider me and every little feeling i feel. i hope you don't forget how moody i've become. even if the world sees me otherwise. i hope you don't forget to feel. i don't want you to forget how i feel when you do something minor wrong, or when someone around me fucks up. and how much it remains on my mind because it hurts to much to talk about it.
like that one time, about 30minutes ago. but i can't possibly tell you about it. if you don't realize while its going on or even sometime before then i can't ever expect you to understand. ever. but something keeps hinting me towards you. something keeps allowing me to respond to your texts and answer your phone calls. even the random activities you have me do with you. something grants me the strength to get dressed and say "i'll be ready in twenty."

i just want to get away, but not really. so indecisive it pains me. getting things off my chest never helped me. people still question and it irks me. i only want whats best for you, and it ain't me. i keep going on, and i feels like poetry. but our life together isn't meant to be. don't you see?

hold on to me

It's kind of hard to pick a favorite. I'll have to be greedy and say everything is my favorite everything. So hard to keep from you, I just met you. You're leaving, and so am I. "We'll write everyday!" you said, but you cant even call and tell me "goodnight". Wishing for this stage in my life to pass, so i can fast forward to the riches and the glamour and sit in my rocking chair with my grandchildren. I'm so beyond this-- everything is moving to slow for me. Independence is only a click away, but I wont dare touch it. Afraid? Afraid of failure, I am not. Afraid of what people might say, I am not. Afraid of what I can't accomplish, I am. Holding up to expectations isn't why I'm here, I just want to define my life. My purpose?-- dare I say. But I'll figure it out. I always do. When love comes around, I feel it. And I swear I've never loved anything as much as you. It should be a sin how hard I love. Dedication, I got that. When I'm in it I'm in; don't have any doubts on my half. I know what I'm capable of. But as for you, you play so much-- I remember the night you said you'd call me back, and the morning I called you because I wanted to argue. All I said was goodnight and hung up. The least you could've done was told me "goodnight".

stop pretending

do not lie to me.



Stop telling me your worth my time. Stop allowing me to believe that when you return you'd be there for me like I was for you. Two years of my life. Two fuckin years. Then we drifted farther apart. You lie, I lie. I swear I fuckin swear to ... yo you make me want to go and get you. Take you back home. Make you remember what you'd loved. Things you used to cherish. Seriously, you said you thought I'd forgotten. That I was over you.. YOU told ME how I felt. Your shit isn't real, your facades are worthless to me. I know you way better than that. I KNOW how much your in love with me. And it's sad, really and truly sad, because ---

NULL & VOID

JC =/