promiscuous Badu's

you afrocentric chicks are the worst. your status reflects how much people have invested in you and I can see you are tired. beating and bashing me is all you've been doing. my life is boiling inside you, brewing. it's so loud in here... can't you hear? these Badu's are all over, with their sexy dreads, afros, and my buffalo clover. i'm satisfied, and content which is not good enough. i hoped you would call back... i called your bluff. meditation's the way and queens always sing sing "your love is king." my deepest dearest love was executed, argument is invalid you are undisputed. silent heartbreak, it's not foreign. so sorry i kindof let you back in, my life was so BORIN. Disasters fade like black pigment to grey, besides…….who said love was perfect anyway.

numB

excuse me, my moments of weakness does not mean i want your comfort. it is reassurance for me. spending all my time amongst these animals has molded me into an entertainer. like an empty diner, filled with desperate love and chocolate worms i am just getting along. spending all my time alone.

she called me fascinating, in Italian. she's on the money and has to buy me a shiny medallion. sorry, i make you uneasy and a little tense but my rep is super sleeeeezy and i'm on the defense. ra hasn't shown in a couple of days. i'm starting a new journey searching for that gaze. life's nearly complete, but you're not interested in that. my failures are more interesting...as a matter of fact. they make a great story at least. i've been reading my shit from 2009, and i have not been consistent to say the least...thats expected. e v o l i v i n g is what some call it. thats not conscious crush then roll it. it's terrible to think of you as more than life, but so amazing when we overcame our strife. i'm silly, don't tell me i've made it. it's mean to live in this fantastical world you created. but i'm in it.

clear the way

seems like i'm here to stay. i'm laughing because i had no intentios on being here this long. my apartment is empty, and cold.

i got comfortable.

my issue is feeling as if nothing belongs to me. i begin with an explanation, others with a question. oh, and i can't make it. i'm sorry, i just can't make it. these explanations are always have filled with tequila and promises i keep half the time. daily evolution causes more seclusion. people are no longer in your equation, your math problem is incorrect and i am here creating the biggest effect. it just dawned on you how shitty things have been. how your lover is now a has been, and you see that. no one ever heard the screams. but it tries to tell you every night in your dreams. you've been warned. in and out of relationships and you're still after that thing you had. silence and meditation are what i yearn, but this comfortable state we've been trapped in makes that hard, and it burns. this lit flame needs more oxygen... amaretta makes her feel betta.

crown me queen.

it's like i'm the center, and all that relatively matters doesn't anymore. once you get like me, and i know you will, we will flyyyyy and be the galactic surfers we once were. people say many things to me. you wouldn't believe how open some people truly are, because in the end who REALLY gives a fuck about comments from these critics....? ( =_=) i'm searching (=_= ). shit i say doesn't surprise people either--their responses are short but in the end they listened. and thats all you really need, an open ear. the violinist in this song is killlllerrr http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ItundPwCPw&feature=autoplay&list=WL113B721102035136&index=3&playnext=1, btw. though, i miss those "where are you?" "i miss you" "i dont want anyone else to be your lover" calls/texts/emails. but it's like my brain is decaying. hahaa i can't even explain it. rah rahhh. finals.

check mate. ;)

can i talk my shit

your word is bond? thats what you told me. i'll be your pain. that dark room located in that desolent part of your brain. your last call making you speak with much emphasis. having to explore the genesis, to remind myself of that emptiness. i was told how i have all of the resources yet i am still weak. i know at this point i'm incomplete, which has me feeling lonely, anxious and so bleak. but i miss you, especially in my sheets. Clarke is, Clarke isn't. our realities are different, you cake major tell me whats real? this red machine NAKED makes my tongue tingle. and i stopped going to parties because i forgot how to mingle. sober anyway. head over heels? please go that way ----->[X] i told myself i shouldn't do this. now im in a position, making the worst decisions. having esoteri.c sight, my tea just isnt right. i put milk in-- it curdles. you leap, then fall and jump over hurdles that i put up. just grew too weak to take down, taking pulls of that loud and blowing out clouds. passing the time and i hope these thoughts are safe in our shrine. i remember you said you liked the old me better than this. prosime i didnt change. burning with desire for a kiss. you grew and priorities got rearranged. it aint hard to tell

I'll wait.

we are in love with these ideas that keep our sanity. in some way they make us whole, and our grasp on reality gets tighter. searching for you in all of them. i am searching for you in everyone. marinate. he's sturdy like a table and as stubborn as my latest addiction, he is whole. i grew worried just then because my resistance is weakening and the urge to roll up heightened, i know i shouldnt. guess what i do to pass time? drink water since it's oxygen for the brain, and read because it's gymnastics of the brain. i was told by you the other day how much i mean to you. i laughed it off, called your bluff, walked into a trap. i am stranded now. this nineteen seventy five birth of the cool is the thing keeping me alive. it snowed... and it will be snowing all week. I'll wait. for now anyway, for respect, for someone as woke as i.

the red pill

ha. i have some good news for people who love bad news. it's time :) and i say this with a smile because i want it to be understood how much you mean to me right now. i want it to be understood how much of a headache i get when trying to express shit that is virtually impossible to fit into words, god knows there aren't enough words, these expressions should be transferred. we are out of control. it is my main priori to introduce the life of ultimate plesaure, it is my plesaure. fuck all you thought you knew... children of the matrix i need you to close your eyes and open your penile gland. see without sight. i need you to see without sight. although i might sound grumpy and my plan is incomplete but would you rather the bleu pill? you niggerstock need reevaulating. turn off everything and lose your ego.

fuck this

sold my iphone

my "boyfriend" sent me a flip phone and ipod

i ordered mad books from amazon

i am extremely passive now

i've been doing nothing but reading

haven't watched television since october 2008 - when i started getting high

gonna break this laptop in half soon

i'm in buffalo.

eye'm a natural disaster.

eye love how everything we had only exists in our heads. shit no one ever reads, things only we've said. eye never considered monogamy as *insert something witty*. it's the worst when you have to re write the shit a hundred times before getting it right. before sending yes, before sending a long letter (to the one you loved), before making the situation larger than it ever was. for sometimes not caring, contrary to what anyone may say, when it's shitty to even care. though, it seems like it was my little joke. my major mistake. not to sure where this will take me and eye don't really care. the future past and present all exist simultaneously and it feels like eye'm still straining to see. it means this natural disaster that eye am must be carried out virtuously. leaving you was like leaving the best of me. like saying the only good you don't have to explain is good bye. and you did complain say it to my face look into my eyes. and even though this pains me it is best for our lives. solitude. at this point eye am screaming in a place eye now call home. im scared im scared im scared of alone. havent been by myself long enough always had someone there it shouldnt be bad eye'm really the only one cares. just longing to love myself just as much as i love you. eye have to find out how and you'd never know so just leave me alone. she is natural. everyone she encounters never completely grasps her mind captivates all she doesnt give a fuck doesnt know why shes so popular they give her shit she doesnt need take all she has but not her its tragic. she is disaster.

not me though lol