dispatches from the bed

Atrue light is the epitome of my dreams. bebe you can read what i write but things are not always what they seem. you fell in love with some idea of me. eye stood before you lucidly my ideas so sublime, with you denim pulling my jean. standing here now watching the clock my love is a crime, pants falling off the seams. many ideas to combine?? or are they just dreams? lost in translation this deceit comes out as an amalgamation just the former me making life harder to breathe, and honesty. forcing you is synonymous to burning trees, deluding ourselves and leaving me never able to enter release. i'm a sorry fuck. you know, everyday is like i'm here to appease?

although, you found me trembling wet pussy tease and scoping with argonite eyes. made you believe i am not from your dreams a part of me cries. but i loved you first and a million others died. granted it took me long to find you without the lies, no tainted waters filled with toxins MAKING OUR BRAINS ACTIVE blah blah blaaahh your you is supremely attractive. breaking down the hurdles is the most tragic with this weight of tons of men that's stored at it. attic. safe. in the corner office space, locked in cabinets of your mind. i don't know why. however, i would keep my distance she keeps making me cry. pulling either arm is the lost and weak, ending this lonely lovers charm last we speak..  eye and eye will destroy babylon, please excuse me.
feels like you'll be here all the way to Z.

you thought it was retreat

:P

it's not important two turtle doves... your memory was so potent, you forgot what it was. your psyche tells you, this is war. shit, i'm glad we hardly talk anymore. running around in circles trying to explore, but there's trash everywhere and i'm growing bored slightly tired. would these lines of coke help? now i'm wired. please take a seat. long overdue to compete, baby i understand you need to release just take a seat.

do you mean it? are my thoughts really incomplete like someone deleted. speaking is such a chore. no need to be vain, but am i still someone you adore? it's never the same. you'll never find me. though, some of me remain.

makes me sing

be young and stand out, she's usually last with her ass out. are you ready to blast? just caste me out. too happy, and waaaayyyy to healthy to be anywhere around here. especially around here. i'm leaving soon, bet that makes you scared. constantly reminded of fear, she pulls out a suit case then doesn't put any gear won't need it where i'm going, she's confident...she's dumb, damn i wish i can come. short, dumb, kinda sweet kinda bitter zero temper. but don't tempt her! Go with him if that's what you want. But remember he will flaunt...the assets you access only because it's nature.

i'm his favorite colour. sometimes i bruise easily, with a hit of basil i become his lover. in disguise i meet him, then take off the covers. otherwise it hurts. you know... the usual dinners and bottles of wine and then we head to bars while he opens tabs he can barely find... or afford. buys out the bar then says he's bored. these drinks weren't only for me you know.... I don't. still searching for some where to cope. no more bars, sit and let your memories soak. our brains emulate sponges, without the soap. we yearn to escape, as i sip my peppermint tea. yearning to reach the absolutely... but remember there is only one you and one me. it's not as hard as you thought, to reach the beauty but as i read and read i begin to see..

your world

stop with the herbal overdose. eye swear my verbal's swam the coast, its so extensive. . . does the most. eye could've made it, was so close to this light being eye created but NOT TO BOAST the safety of the planets' got you in a comatose. it's so... sweet to me. it's whatever you want it to be. since, it's up to me eye guess we'll see. just like a snow storm in the warmest season of the earth.

this blanket of snow is on me.

b r o o k l y n y c

tiny frame, big name.

we are light beings, roaming this county of kings. things have become extremely chaotic. can't you tell by the screams? no one smiles, no more looking to the skies. hell exists on earth and you can see it in my eyes. i guess you can say i'm the prototype, of some gargantuan disaster from your mind......

but, i want to smile again. and have the rain touch the base of my crown and then...forgive me.

home is where the love is, is where the love is, is the love is.... and eye feel so empty.

i have shit to do man. so many to screw; then nail and erase all the lies you drew. i can make you sweet, destroy the sour reconstruct and not give any fucks because i gave you power.

I MADE YOU BUCK WILD!!

promiscuous Badu's

you afrocentric chicks are the worst. your status reflects how much people have invested in you and I can see you are tired. beating and bashing me is all you've been doing. my life is boiling inside you, brewing. it's so loud in here... can't you hear? these Badu's are all over, with their sexy dreads, afros, and my buffalo clover. i'm satisfied, and content which is not good enough. i hoped you would call back... i called your bluff. meditation's the way and queens always sing sing "your love is king." my deepest dearest love was executed, argument is invalid you are undisputed. silent heartbreak, it's not foreign. so sorry i kindof let you back in, my life was so BORIN. Disasters fade like black pigment to grey, besides…….who said love was perfect anyway.

numB

excuse me, my moments of weakness does not mean i want your comfort. it is reassurance for me. spending all my time amongst these animals has molded me into an entertainer. like an empty diner, filled with desperate love and chocolate worms i am just getting along. spending all my time alone.

she called me fascinating, in Italian. she's on the money and has to buy me a shiny medallion. sorry, i make you uneasy and a little tense but my rep is super sleeeeezy and i'm on the defense. ra hasn't shown in a couple of days. i'm starting a new journey searching for that gaze. life's nearly complete, but you're not interested in that. my failures are more interesting...as a matter of fact. they make a great story at least. i've been reading my shit from 2009, and i have not been consistent to say the least...thats expected. e v o l i v i n g is what some call it. thats not conscious crush then roll it. it's terrible to think of you as more than life, but so amazing when we overcame our strife. i'm silly, don't tell me i've made it. it's mean to live in this fantastical world you created. but i'm in it.

can i talk my shit

your word is bond? thats what you told me. i'll be your pain. that dark room located in that desolent part of your brain. your last call making you speak with much emphasis. having to explore the genesis, to remind myself of that emptiness. i was told how i have all of the resources yet i am still weak. i know at this point i'm incomplete, which has me feeling lonely, anxious and so bleak. but i miss you, especially in my sheets. Clarke is, Clarke isn't. our realities are different, you cake major tell me whats real? this red machine NAKED makes my tongue tingle. and i stopped going to parties because i forgot how to mingle. sober anyway. head over heels? please go that way ----->[X] i told myself i shouldn't do this. now im in a position, making the worst decisions. having esoteri.c sight, my tea just isnt right. i put milk in-- it curdles. you leap, then fall and jump over hurdles that i put up. just grew too weak to take down, taking pulls of that loud and blowing out clouds. passing the time and i hope these thoughts are safe in our shrine. i remember you said you liked the old me better than this. prosime i didnt change. burning with desire for a kiss. you grew and priorities got rearranged. it aint hard to tell

I'll wait.

we are in love with these ideas that keep our sanity. in some way they make us whole, and our grasp on reality gets tighter. searching for you in all of them. i am searching for you in everyone. marinate. he's sturdy like a table and as stubborn as my latest addiction, he is whole. i grew worried just then because my resistance is weakening and the urge to roll up heightened, i know i shouldnt. guess what i do to pass time? drink water since it's oxygen for the brain, and read because it's gymnastics of the brain. i was told by you the other day how much i mean to you. i laughed it off, called your bluff, walked into a trap. i am stranded now. this nineteen seventy five birth of the cool is the thing keeping me alive. it snowed... and it will be snowing all week. I'll wait. for now anyway, for respect, for someone as woke as i.

that was so clever eye could die.

i'll miss being affectionate with you. hahaa, she meant me. you are the chosen one, the invisible. fucking cellophane. these people see right through you and it makes them smile as i cringe. you are so relentless yet so shiftless then back again. rhinestones as your eyes connecting with electro chemical impulses in neurons a part of me dies. not sleeping with you makes me feel less alive. sleeping alone has become my new fad and these dreams arent helping at all *throws notepad* she slips me some goood gooood and says "take it. you said you wanted to forget your childhoood." the arsenic grew impatient, my DNAs so ancient, not sure if i should take it. nascent. rebirth? on this earth? whats my life really worth? paralytic dreams are made of these by which you call me a tease. this girl is going to miss you and i know your anxious stop pretending do some reading your brain needs mending. rich girl full of revenge she wasnt clever enough so her story ends.

primped to kill. dressed to thrill.

i can't ever really know whats going on, so it shouldn't bother me. ya know, not being able to figure anything out. this is my blog and i've been writing about pain alot and fear of commitment.... i guess. i'm almost sure those arent my main targets. people are safes. pad locked and wraped with 20 lbs of chains in lies. but, i decipher people almost down to the T. i know their future actions and how they'll affect me, and stunt my progression. i've been evolving. i am evolving. people ask be a million and twelve things about how i became who i am now, or whoever i will be, and i always answer by saying "my life is changing". they're almost too dumb to grasp what i mean. throughout my journey, on gaia (mother earth...?), i've met some of the best people. recently i met this man, age doesn't exist, he's from the UK and i appreciate him. have you ever met someeone who's energy was completely compatible? he and eye are a congenial combination. of course i didnt make the tragic mistake of falling for this man. i'm free. he understands i don't belong to anyone and noone belongs to me. we float through life ...thassit.

he said, "ms mckenzie, if i dont see you tomorrow morning me and you cease to exist." do i get a rebuttal? fuck it. i loved you first, remember that. i may be on a high horse now because i'm surrounded by so much love, but baby i loved YOU first. and we both were lonely at times, people get lonely. you and i both know much to well about being alone. everyone has had their firsts with me.. i was your first for a couple of things things things i never would consider doing in the mental condition i'm in now. schools fine. i love my friends. my dick is bigger than yours. and i will always make you feel like shit each time you think of me.