crown me queen.

it's like i'm the center, and all that relatively matters doesn't anymore. once you get like me, and i know you will, we will flyyyyy and be the galactic surfers we once were. people say many things to me. you wouldn't believe how open some people truly are, because in the end who REALLY gives a fuck about comments from these critics....? ( =_=) i'm searching (=_= ). shit i say doesn't surprise people either--their responses are short but in the end they listened. and thats all you really need, an open ear. the violinist in this song is killlllerrr http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ItundPwCPw&feature=autoplay&list=WL113B721102035136&index=3&playnext=1, btw. though, i miss those "where are you?" "i miss you" "i dont want anyone else to be your lover" calls/texts/emails. but it's like my brain is decaying. hahaa i can't even explain it. rah rahhh. finals.

check mate. ;)

can i talk my shit

your word is bond? thats what you told me. i'll be your pain. that dark room located in that desolent part of your brain. your last call making you speak with much emphasis. having to explore the genesis, to remind myself of that emptiness. i was told how i have all of the resources yet i am still weak. i know at this point i'm incomplete, which has me feeling lonely, anxious and so bleak. but i miss you, especially in my sheets. Clarke is, Clarke isn't. our realities are different, you cake major tell me whats real? this red machine NAKED makes my tongue tingle. and i stopped going to parties because i forgot how to mingle. sober anyway. head over heels? please go that way ----->[X] i told myself i shouldn't do this. now im in a position, making the worst decisions. having esoteri.c sight, my tea just isnt right. i put milk in-- it curdles. you leap, then fall and jump over hurdles that i put up. just grew too weak to take down, taking pulls of that loud and blowing out clouds. passing the time and i hope these thoughts are safe in our shrine. i remember you said you liked the old me better than this. prosime i didnt change. burning with desire for a kiss. you grew and priorities got rearranged. it aint hard to tell

I'll wait.

we are in love with these ideas that keep our sanity. in some way they make us whole, and our grasp on reality gets tighter. searching for you in all of them. i am searching for you in everyone. marinate. he's sturdy like a table and as stubborn as my latest addiction, he is whole. i grew worried just then because my resistance is weakening and the urge to roll up heightened, i know i shouldnt. guess what i do to pass time? drink water since it's oxygen for the brain, and read because it's gymnastics of the brain. i was told by you the other day how much i mean to you. i laughed it off, called your bluff, walked into a trap. i am stranded now. this nineteen seventy five birth of the cool is the thing keeping me alive. it snowed... and it will be snowing all week. I'll wait. for now anyway, for respect, for someone as woke as i.

the red pill

ha. i have some good news for people who love bad news. it's time :) and i say this with a smile because i want it to be understood how much you mean to me right now. i want it to be understood how much of a headache i get when trying to express shit that is virtually impossible to fit into words, god knows there aren't enough words, these expressions should be transferred. we are out of control. it is my main priori to introduce the life of ultimate plesaure, it is my plesaure. fuck all you thought you knew... children of the matrix i need you to close your eyes and open your penile gland. see without sight. i need you to see without sight. although i might sound grumpy and my plan is incomplete but would you rather the bleu pill? you niggerstock need reevaulating. turn off everything and lose your ego.

fuck this

sold my iphone

my "boyfriend" sent me a flip phone and ipod

i ordered mad books from amazon

i am extremely passive now

i've been doing nothing but reading

haven't watched television since october 2008 - when i started getting high

gonna break this laptop in half soon

i'm in buffalo.

eye'm a natural disaster.

eye love how everything we had only exists in our heads. shit no one ever reads, things only we've said. eye never considered monogamy as *insert something witty*. it's the worst when you have to re write the shit a hundred times before getting it right. before sending yes, before sending a long letter (to the one you loved), before making the situation larger than it ever was. for sometimes not caring, contrary to what anyone may say, when it's shitty to even care. though, it seems like it was my little joke. my major mistake. not to sure where this will take me and eye don't really care. the future past and present all exist simultaneously and it feels like eye'm still straining to see. it means this natural disaster that eye am must be carried out virtuously. leaving you was like leaving the best of me. like saying the only good you don't have to explain is good bye. and you did complain say it to my face look into my eyes. and even though this pains me it is best for our lives. solitude. at this point eye am screaming in a place eye now call home. im scared im scared im scared of alone. havent been by myself long enough always had someone there it shouldnt be bad eye'm really the only one cares. just longing to love myself just as much as i love you. eye have to find out how and you'd never know so just leave me alone. she is natural. everyone she encounters never completely grasps her mind captivates all she doesnt give a fuck doesnt know why shes so popular they give her shit she doesnt need take all she has but not her its tragic. she is disaster.

not me though lol

that was so clever eye could die.

i'll miss being affectionate with you. hahaa, she meant me. you are the chosen one, the invisible. fucking cellophane. these people see right through you and it makes them smile as i cringe. you are so relentless yet so shiftless then back again. rhinestones as your eyes connecting with electro chemical impulses in neurons a part of me dies. not sleeping with you makes me feel less alive. sleeping alone has become my new fad and these dreams arent helping at all *throws notepad* she slips me some goood gooood and says "take it. you said you wanted to forget your childhoood." the arsenic grew impatient, my DNAs so ancient, not sure if i should take it. nascent. rebirth? on this earth? whats my life really worth? paralytic dreams are made of these by which you call me a tease. this girl is going to miss you and i know your anxious stop pretending do some reading your brain needs mending. rich girl full of revenge she wasnt clever enough so her story ends.

i never had.

she's committed heinous crimes of the heart. bitch. she remembers only her childhood vividly, and she wants to share them with you. she wants to tell you how she feels out of place and is often misconceived. i spoke to her on many different affairs on how she feels bamboozled and abused; strange how her mind drifts and she is suddenly someone else, hating all that she (or who i thought she was) once loved. black and white, colored and melanin suppressant. "don't cry for me" she has often told me, "don't cry for me because i am not natural to your world. help me return". she speaks of this anachronistic world full of black grays and whites, chivalrous men, "queendoms", redemption, and she's absolutely no one but herself.

credo mutwa

piece of shit.

i've been through enough. i've had enough. being unable to verbalize my emotions, i am at a loss. like i've said times before, i attract alphas. we move the same our walks are synchronized we breathe in unison, but you and i somewhere down our many journeys failed to do so. you fell short somewhere. the only thing i came up with is your lack of melanin and my lack to adjust. my apologies. my apologies for being so easy to love. it is not hard for me to adapt. which i do so well. when i lay with someone my body fits every time. often when we leave my home together you fail to match my rhythm. you got me trippin, displaying public affection public anger. in public, you ignore me for shits and giggles you are more vigilant of your surroundings than the shit you've been doing to piss me off which builds up i might add. i can't stress any longer how much the minutia mistakes make a tremendous difference in how i view you. besides, while i was with you i have always said i am better alone or with an alpha. reasons i have tried so hard to over look the situation, was my love for you, the longevity (as you pointed out), and because you wanted to possess me when i had no interest in you. indeed mum was right about you playing with her daughter. i still can not fathom how you fail to see your faults. indeed i am an "asshole/bitch" (which is what you've called me, verbatim) but women are usually called such when they display some sort of control when they act as bosses and want what they want with no explanation. although, i am not praising myself, i want you to humble yourself. i want you to know, even though you believe otherwise, that i was never out to hurt you. there are times when i am silent in hopes you will somehow grasp why, but you don't. instead you make up shit "oh i know this face! isis is thinking...." i guess it's a hint for me to share, but i don't. my fault. you constantly ask me why people listen to me, why does anyone waste their time believing shit i say and i honestly have no answer. shit, i forget though i forget you enjoy the cute stuff you like pets i forget to not be as sensitive as most as i should. i am so small and fragile inside and you forget that too. i've been this way for as long as i can remember. while you sit there and try to figure it out try to understand how innocent my words are. there was never enough bliss, than when we kissed my words don't travel far and with every scar old and new i cant seem to understand why i am so pressed on going downstairs to you. he is a piece of me. now i see.