why won't you live for me?

said you'd be there for me.


i've been waiting, and hating that you dont crave me like i you. i dont want to speak of marriage anymore. i dont want to talk of children and a family. i dont know exactly what i want, but i'm planning. & while i'm turning you in, you're decphering my feelings and it's making me sooo weary. you're occupying my thoughts, and i think of you more now than before. i want you close, and every night when we're apart make up scenarios; a fight we never had, sex we'd never expierence together, and restaurants we never ate in. you called me the other day and asked why i was upset with you, you must somehow feel me miles away because i've never left a clue stating that i was upset. he asked if i still wanted matrimony... i told him no-- high is always equated with euphoria. why wouldnt any one want to be where i'm always at.

i feel like i'm searching for something. i dont tihnk i'll even know what it is though. me and my close friend here (at this university) share thoughts while high. our intuition is always the same and we always have the same insight on certain people. we even convinced ourselves this chick was a demon, mass hysteria-- i know that if i make one more wrong move it can change the course my life is on for better/worse. then if i don't make a move, i'll always be here. i don't exactly want to be stuck here, i was to prosper but i dont want to work to get there. why should i? i didn't ask to be here... i swear to HAY-ZEUS i didn't. why is it that once we're out the womb we're instantly being prepared to die. i hate you. i hate this process. i hate having noone to tell me whats wrong with me. i hate the guys that stare and ridicule me, then hit me up on FB. i hate having to wait. i hate it.


all i've ever had was myself and thats what i'm left with in the end.