she won't stop

this pain -- it hurts so badly. i'm trying to supress the tears, and even though my attempts fail.... my throat also hurts. i won't cry again. not over you. you hurt me so much & something won't allow me to give- you- up. you need to learn how to channel your anger... you need not stress the little things in our life. i feel like you hate everything i do, but you need to adjust, and i can't rather i won't completely lose myelf for you. you're not even trying and i hate that. i hate feeling like everything is my fault and i need help. i'm loving you and you're loving me and we're simultaneously hating each other, it's bullshit. i think, i'm never positive when it comes to these things, you've poisioned me. your love, or whatever is was to you, has poisioned me. your love has poisioned me and your embrace is the only cure. without either you have left my spirit here to die. i know you haven't realised yet, but i'm scared. i'm scared of how i feel when i'm with you and away from you. i'm scared of fully loving you. so i lie to myself. i tell my self little things about you to comfort me. i tell you i can't make it sometimes because subconciously i yern for you but i just can't control everything so i "can't make it". your Goddess can't make it. she'll never show... it's raining now; ironic because i'm also crying. my words are crying and you're not here. i hurt so badly.


:)