baby when i used to love you...

I don't completely understand why you'd want me back. I'm evil and I've been called a bitch a numerous amount of times, and I've accepted that. People don't get any worse than this. I'm not the one to compare myself to a heartbreaker, but if the shoe fits... You constantly find me, via myspace, cell (call/text), aim-- all of these devices which are supposed to link us make me want to drift away from you. You say I "walk around like your shit don't stink, IT DOES!" well baby I know alot of people who think otherwise. STOP TELLING ME YOU LOVE ME, HOW MUCH YOU NEED ME/WANT ME BACK. It's unbearable to think of, all the shit I put you threw but you choose me?! Of all the ladies in the world, and you'd want ME back?? I know I'm completely invested in myself, and I'm young and selfish like that but let me live. Let me be able to live out my mistakes, allow me to take chances. I want to fuck up. I want to be put in a life threatening position. I need to take the risk, so the fall can change me. I need you to understand that "I am not broken, please don't fix me". Molding me won't make me happy, and baby I know you want me happy, but first you need to learn to accept. I am forever in your debt, you showed me how to grow. You were the one who opened my eyes, and without noticing I allowed you to take full control. I am now blind and I need time to regenerate. Needing time away from you is all I can think of, but the amount of hurt I will feel is going to consume me. You wanting me back would be a waste of time and a huge mistake. I want you happy and free from my flaws. You bruised me. For my current state of jade, to whom it shall not be named; I'll love you forever.


- Je ne suis pas fini. =\

ride into the sunset

"Vanity hides wounds that still probably hurt, and panoramic insanity dooms doers of dirt."

biggie had babies yesterday

DOB: APRIL 6,2009
i think its about 11 of them, but i cant see them all
and idk how many she ate, if she ate any.

they look like a bunch of pink pinkies and they cry when she gets up to stretch... its crazy.

so i guess i'm the grandmother....
whenever meech gives me my camera back i'll take photos of them...
and in 3 more weeks they'll have fur, open eyes, and they'll be running around the cage.

they also need more space.

wounds bleed fresh

It's been a while since I've last seen you. You talk about change, but in all honesty we can't. I'm sorry you're so hung up on the fact that our distance has changed you. That it has allowed you to grow up and progress? Sincerely, I doubt it. I've been in your shoes too often to believe these new weekly "I'm a changed man" speeches. Yes, you have changed, your outter existence has changed. Mentality only progressed... for the worst. Our conversations are usually about the past which was more than 3 years ago. I am definately not that girl, and I'd like you to stop talking about her. I'm molding myself to become more resistent. And yea.. I knowww you and youuu want me to be an open book, but this time I won't feed into the bullshit you enjoy seeing me believe. I'd grow, maybe even prosper and become more self reliant. That girl was pure-- I'm tainted and I've been used and I've accepted what I've become. I like my raw, nonchalant, fuck the world attitude. Because I only see myself in it. I can only see my struggles, my hardships, my pains. I'm sorry when you speak to me about 'how much you've changed' I don't have the right responses. I give you all of my raw emotion and you either have to take it or not. I understand you're going through it but so am I... so is everyone. Those little arguments with your mom, your sister, and your MIA dad aren't new to me. Debates with your fmaily, the ones you'd die for, shouldn't make you a changed man. Females you've been with shouldn't changed you either. But I understand you're like me, we're to tainted people living in the world we made up. Where only me and you exist. Dwelling on the past, we believe that when you return we'll be what we were... you said i was impossible to read, well imagine me now. It'll be easier to move on and to still keep in touch instead of forcing this to work out. Its like spraying perfume on shit. well.. c'est la vie, we'll figure it out i guess. till next time.


- frio- april fools?