the stars are alive

this is a letter to the men i've loved. it's not in proper letter format, i know. but this is for you. as a fast lover, i never wanted to love fast. never thought i'd be the one to anyway. you came to me, wounded and half filled, with promises you only kept half the time. goodbye. we possibly met through mutual friends, the internet, off the street, in a club/lounge/bar, on a train, in front of my school, on my campus, je ne sais pas. but you left a massive indellible mark in my life some how. most of you have weak minds. you found a girl like me who opened you up, completely for the most part, and i made you less vunerable to others. most of you hate me now. i don't completely understand why but its probably for some petty shit. for some of you, i wish i never met you. i wish i never crossed your path. because for some of you, there's only one of me [get it?] and you are not healthy for me. this is the last time i will ever see you again. i am trying to leave my past behind, i've never tried that but if you do it the right way i was told it can be gone forever. tetrahydrocannabinol, or however you spell it, has been my friend for some time now. it has filled the voids of you and therefore left me empty at times, or stuck, or even in the clouds. i've floated since you've left-- you always leave. i can't even remember a time where it was my decision to leave. i tend to do that though, i sometimes start petty situations to make you want to leave. sometimes i had the few who didn't want to leave at all, the few to thought they can stand my wrath/my breaking out or through the cages you've put me in. but i live. i need to live so i don't disappeear inside. i know thats what you wanted, you want me to disappear even a little so that i'll be easier to tame. aside from that we've probably fucked so you also love the way my vagina feels. there were times when you've tried and succeeded to verbally abuse me. you'd say "fuck you" and shit like "i'm a whore" or some other bullshit and i'd stay quiet.. because me yelling back at you won't solve anything and i realized that even before you thought you had the upperhand. you see, you fucking forgot i have a brother and he talks shit all the time. he even schooled me on allllll the shit yall niggas do so i'm definately not new to the bullshit your pushin. i'm content though. there's nothing else i can be. i know of your sleeplessness and your stress; it's all bull. because half of you created all the issues we've ever had. yall know i don't stress anything except for the obvious breakup reasons [i.e cheating] but to you it's everything i do or don't do. i had someone like you already, so i know how to deal; i know how to play passive and meet your needs... or wants for the most part. half of you never let go of your mothers tit; you still have hers and now you have mine so you feel like you need to be comfoted by both but I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER. i used to love you. i did. and when i love, i love hard boy, you know it. but i began to fall, and they say what? "you fall even harder" and when you mess with someone like me you fall hard, and you miss me 100x more, and you call 20x more but i just save your name as IGNORE yes in caps, and i do just that 20x more. look, tonight i want you to look out your window and look for 3 stars and name all of them after me.

sincerely, the nicest: Isis.