broken sundown fatherless showdown

I usually wont confuse the two but j'ai deux amants. In a way, this is a perfect way to heal. I'm not saying my conditon is healthy but, I will manage. I always have. Amour has fucked me in the ass to many times I almost wished I wasn't concieved. Then the world would be missing out on so much, moi. He hasn't called anymore, he's swoon over a new hot flame and
I'm not even mad. Should I be? I'm still that baddest female in the club, your block, school wherever. Looking back I don't recall use having mutual intrest, other than sex and yet I our minds were apart while engaged in that. Man candies will come and go but when you find your Lennon and Ono you'd better not let go. Time won't get hard, loving will become sronger and you wont crave as much because of the amount of trust, respect, and love you'll have for that person.
I am not ready to settle down. I procastinate, I bitch and I moan, I'm completely nonchalant, and I'm selfish. Not great qualities but if you cannot deal with them at all times then by all means, find me someone who will. Not now though, as I initially wrote, I aint gonna settle. It's amazing how many guys want you when you're taken, but as soon as you're available they're in reverse. Not looking but I'm observant and I've noticed its a countless amount of times. The girls with a guy and at her best the other guys want her, the girl and guy breaks up and at her best again the other guys ignore her. Classic scenario. Can I be a bachlorette with children?...
Notice how things in a relationship change because of either insecurities, time, location. All of a sudden wherever you've traveled to for the past 4 years is to long of a commut or to far a distance for you to go any longer. Guys are so simple it's extemely useless to waste time on them, but the females need to loosen up and not stress over so much. I guess thats why im single now because of my "brush it off" nonchalant attitude I never leave home without. Men build up insecurities, the only thing we (YES WE!) need to do is stroke their ego's. Honestly, they're ego's are they're only form of protection, if their ego is bruised so is their skin their wardrobe their aura. Keep their ego's unscathed and lasting long wont be an issue, but do you really and I mean REALLY want only to please him. Make him so secure he's blind. I believe with every relationship, where trust is an issue, you should tell that other person to learn to trust themselves, and I, trust in no man says the Lord trust in me i am the Lord, I believe in that, so trusting me and trusting you is an issue.
We'll get in to that at another time though. But relationships aren't hard man, Just maintaing a long lasting one, where everyone is happy is hard. But it'll get worst, you just gotta roll with the punches and give in alot of the time. I'm tired of giving in, because I never did and when I opportunity arrises I don't take advantage and drop te issue, i let it fester and then bring it up again in the future. I always need closure. Thats my issue. Even now with my 143 I need closure. Soon though... not strong enough now. Both amants are not and will never be prepared for things that I bring up, and things I'm about, and I love them for that. Because they're willing to change me, because they care that much about what it is I'm doint at every minute, even when I'm lying, is what keeps me sane. I swear I'd be an empty vessle walking if I didnt have my amants(lovers). I can care for myself, I'm self reliant. I dont advise anyone else to be as dependable on me and I am with myself. Don't forget how selfish I am.


-- gun hip swollen lip bottle sip yeah i suck dick

roll of thunder hear my cry

my Creativity has escaped. i had her locked within my palms, safe from harm, and at that time a lock and key was to drastic for little Creativity. but she escaped from my palms. because at that time there was only me and noone else to take her. there was only me and no competition. there was only me and noone around to "borrow" her. my Creativity is lost. i.. i let her out in hope for her return, fresh and new with a totally new outlook on life. hopeless dreams and aspirations. she must have slipped between the cracks of my fingers. or rolled off my finger tips. because we we're inseperable.

i long for her now. i hear her weep sometimes, the way she used to when i wasn't using enough of her. my Creativity, i miss her. she had the craziest ideas all the time, from haircuts to missing limbs. i swear if you find her... return her.

hear my plea.

this is for you...

watch the company you keep.
Bitches is triflin', so to speak.

I'm not even trying to rhyme. Bitches, i have none in my circle, as far as I know. I did though. We was cool, it was seven fo us, chicks. NOW I KNOWWWWW SEVEN SEVEN?!!! GIRLS TOGETHER IS A HASSEL, but we pulled through. We knew the snakes, but we labeled them wrong. One snake didnt get kicked out, which made our team fall. She's busty shes FAT yeaa BITCHH YOU ARE OVER WEIGHT!!!


fellas you might like this one...
photo credit: www.myspace.com/streetsweepers



i dont give a fck.
SHES .. IM NOT EVEN GOING TO CALL HER A BITCH... BECAUSE I'VE BEEN CALLED A BITCH, AND I'VE BEEN THE BADDEST BITCH THERE IS SO... SHE'S THAT GUNK ON THE BOTTOM OF THOSE HOMELESS NIGGAS SHOES, ON 168TH.

stop pretending

do not lie to me.



Stop telling me your worth my time. Stop allowing me to believe that when you return you'd be there for me like I was for you. Two years of my life. Two fuckin years. Then we drifted farther apart. You lie, I lie. I swear I fuckin swear to ... yo you make me want to go and get you. Take you back home. Make you remember what you'd loved. Things you used to cherish. Seriously, you said you thought I'd forgotten. That I was over you.. YOU told ME how I felt. Your shit isn't real, your facades are worthless to me. I know you way better than that. I KNOW how much your in love with me. And it's sad, really and truly sad, because ---

NULL & VOID

JC =/

possessive,

you are.

Caught up in what you deem necessary and true.
Your living a lie love and your grip is killing me. Trying to push away, such benevolence it would be, but I'm not able to allow my self that much freedom. I am so used to your clutch that I'm conforming conforming, conforming to what you'd consider an ideal woman for every man. To tired to change, to tired to protest, to tired. I will be giving you up soon. Your attitude strikes me and with every lash I weaken, commiting suicide to my motives and thoughts... motives and thoughts our motives and thoughts are now shared; what i breathe you breathe, my pain is your pain, and my word is yours. It's almost annoying how much alike we've become. My weakness, our weakness.
Becomming much to accustomed to sleepless nights, your clutch once again murders a part of me. Selfworth going-- slowly fading. Not budging no protest, you get your way I'm searching for mine. Possessive means
jealously opposed to the personal independence of, or to any influence other than one's own upon, a spouse. You my love will forever be that. Life progresses, you don't your shit is the same as this and that niggas', I know of all the scheming I and the last girl has done but honestly you cannot tame me. Roaring with the real Goddess Isis in my blood I will rule at everything I do. I am a freedom loving, blindly optimistic, sincere, tactless, generous, impatient, cocky Sagittarius. Get over it.

NO! I will not ... and I'm DEAD ASS

WIIILLLL NOT EVVERRRRR MEET YOUR STANDARDS.

I'm sorry.





Author did not intend anyone to feel a connection to whom she was writing about.

Father Time

Count your belssings.


I want you to have more faith in me. I want nothing I need. I want convincing. I want to be surrounded by negative people, so I'll be forced to look for the positive ones. I want to live. And I want to love, unconditionally.

Strong? Not enough. more than half my energy goes into pleasing everyone, which I do so well i might add. This facade I put on is annoying. &&if i didnt have it what will my other half hold? God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; ccourage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. There is no room for flaws, abslutely no room for pleasure. This is the long road, and you either roll with it and stick it out or you die, no easier way to put it. You must, and I mean this sincerely, must know who you are and stand your grounds. You're stronger than you believe, and more capable than most. I have faith in you; as I do all my friends but you the most because you... you don't believe.

I honestly thought I couldn't figure you out, but I did. I really did. I know what your going through, I cannot help you escape but all I can do is pray, and ask my man to pray. idk what else you'll need besides a little push because you're not taking our guidance. All we can ask for is time. Time should do the body good. Father Time please, with all generosity, give us more time.yeah yeah I understand the shit emerson wrote about nature and shit like that... time waits but not for mankind. you numbers up and it's spared, so fuckin what have mercy on us, a little sympathy, better yet EMPATHY would be better. Then maybe you understand can actually grasp what it's like to fill in shoes that are 20 times your size. I truly thought I had you down to a T. But I can't make you wait, just promise me you won't give up; not even on the ones who've given up.



- Amen?

merry Christmas to all

i've everything i've ever wanted.




and one of them moves ;]

FUCK THE FRAIL SHIT - SMR

I've been through it. There's nothing anyone else can say to convince me otherwise. I know of your heartaches, pains, crying in the shower WHATEVERR ELSE, I'm not ignorant to it. I've had 5 years since virgin eyes escaped. I'm not immune to these scars but I am used to them. I've no knowledge of a cure but just stay away from them. Their a cult, a bad habit, personal heroin if you have one. You already know what it is, no need for me to justify.

I've held the truth. Embraced it's thrusts. Heard it's lies. And settled for less. Life goes the fuck on ladies. Get over yourselves. I'm stuck. But you... you can prosper. My mistakes-- let them be my mistakes. I doubt I need you to point out my faults and flaws. And if you believe in me enough I bet you can imagine me in a better place than where I am now. I don't need your pity. I'm actually glad, no longer morbid-- no longer reminiscing about the yesterdays, and last years we've spent. During my youth, when I didn't know you, when I've never encountered you.

You. I love you dearly darling I do. But I haven't quite grasped what any of my thoughts mean.







[*] you'd never guess.

2009 election

Americans! :

we are going to have a black man, for president.

drunk & hotGIRLS

I enjoy my friends....


we party way to much and... drinking has become, not apart of me but it feels great, the after affect. You feel so numb and you have control, but you choose to loose it. You can stop pretending and just chill.

drinking is like shopping... getting drunk is like eating a hot breakfast. vomiting on the 4 and 5 trains (NYC) thats like getting yelled at by your parents....ahem.

I'm a reg. girl, partying to much, not drinking enough.



thats all.