trapped inside this pretty little lie.

look, things are about to change. but this is me, i'm still the same. imagine -- i re-wrote this many times ; so excuse the date -- see, i believe in... eye think my high is coming down. hyghh off life of course. read read read. educate. please. breed! why not. im infamous, my name already crowned it. we smoked before then came through and like hounds we found it. we smoked that, then we went upstairs and sat back. and like moths you attacked and came to our light. we are children of the sun ; our light is super bright. we try not to fight, but we walk around and we're the only ones in sight. its like... there's no one in sight. the meaningless are extras... get rid of them. know who to keep the significant around.

#imalwaysbored

you want me to come by?

you do. at any rate, [my] our hair defies gravity. hahaa, bet you didn't know that. children of the sun ; i am a sun child. black black black like my iPOD. i'm exaggerating. he's an amazing guy. i have infidelity issues. i'm just glad that i'm able to dwell on it now, and not when i'm a complete woman. at this point, i feel like half a woman. i feel semi-incomplete. not going to get in depth with that now. he knew prior to our relationship i had infidelity issues. he'd ask the usual; how old are you? , where were you born? , how many dudes you fcuked?. and i'd answer in all honesty. sigh thanks for letting me know AFTER i fucked up that dude was a lameee. then again, i did what i want. and i lived without consequences. everyone is competing. and its aggravating me. you can have it. but i'm still a boss... they still flocked to us at the end. ha.

hotep. love. and light.

_itsreallytheeighthofseptembertwothousandten_

Bad Brains - Sacred Love - I Against I

listen.

.nem ot kcab tnew i

i've never left. but did you think about me while i was gone? while you were driving down atlanic ave eating a turkey burger? i wonder how often you consider me and every little feeling i feel. i hope you don't forget how moody i've become. even if the world sees me otherwise. i hope you don't forget to feel. i don't want you to forget how i feel when you do something minor wrong, or when someone around me fucks up. and how much it remains on my mind because it hurts to much to talk about it.
like that one time, about 30minutes ago. but i can't possibly tell you about it. if you don't realize while its going on or even sometime before then i can't ever expect you to understand. ever. but something keeps hinting me towards you. something keeps allowing me to respond to your texts and answer your phone calls. even the random activities you have me do with you. something grants me the strength to get dressed and say "i'll be ready in twenty."

i just want to get away, but not really. so indecisive it pains me. getting things off my chest never helped me. people still question and it irks me. i only want whats best for you, and it ain't me. i keep going on, and i feels like poetry. but our life together isn't meant to be. don't you see?

motion picture shit

we were on the fire escape. him with the joints and me twirling my fingers, just sitting back letting my mind linger. everything seemed so alive, of course after the third hit i was fried. he said "everytime i see you i learn something new" i looked at him puzzled, trying to construe. we're alike but so different, he does little things trying to hint it. the thing is i already know and honestly i just want to see how far he'll go. he's more than my friend and our time together was coming to an end. so, now we're on the train and he says "where do you wanna sit" i look at him at smile because he already knew it. i sat, and he said "of course she wanted a windoooww seat."

these girls are trying to be queens

the revolution is near. we're sick of trying to be tough. we used to think you had the power to tear our hearts away. we are slowly getting our conciousness back and becoming more aware of this world full of poems and paintings. i guess this means we're through, or it means we're breaking. keep an eye on him. just look what he's done, just look. it feels alright sometimes, and i keep repeating this as my thoughts get deeper. hundred lights flash through the paking lot, a hundred lights on me, a hundred different fires, a hundred different passions. you'd think i was scared, i'd rather be young. follow your ambitions. follow that record's tune. follow follow follow. my brain elapses sometimes. what do you think now? what will you think when you see me? when i'm sick, when i'm dead, when i forget, will you forget? never forget. i'm losing everything.

i know this world is changing. i'm aware of everything as long as my eyes give me sight. women of the world, so amazing. be afraid. be afraid. be afraid. fear nothing. i fear nothing. these girls are trying to be queens, they do not know we are goddessess. beautiful melanites so beautiful shades of browns. hair in coils, kinks, like strength. you people work so hard for it to be straight. you mutiliate your scalps. you hate yourselves. but fuck you for hating it. fuck you for this tom foolery, this trickery, this mental trap, this. i love us. i love us more than you can imagine.

there's a storm on the way

I prefer peace, wouldn't have to have one worldly possession. But essentially I'm an animal, so just what do I do with all the aggression?

the world is yours, everything else is mathematics. all i want is your understanding, but i'm fine. days aren't numbered any longer, blind faith--law of attraction engulfs me. there has been a countless number of times where i spoke something into existence, nothing fantasticcal of course. more like people i'll run into espicially when i would never run into them on a regular day nor would i be in their usual hang out spot. i'm tired of people asking me what i would call myself. the sad thing is, we cant seem to go on with life without constantly marking shit. we need to know what we're dealing with and the second we don't-- the second we need to question we lose a sense of security. we thought we knew.. but we never had a clue. i'm tired. the thing is i know who i am, i'm just exhausted trying to prove me to you. when we speak, i look you directly in the eye, i was told that if i don't one might take me as a falsifier or a cheat. i'll keep it friendly. i'm first going to approach my goals... i don't want to label it, i'll just call it "shit i want to get done quick". i'll start by eliminating the people who don't mean a thing to me, then i'll move to the people i've grown distant with. i was told it's healthy for people like me to talk to others that don't think the same as i do. the ignorant people (hahaaa). i won't be there to change their minds, more like a guide in hopes of showing them that everyone doesn't think like THEM, and people like me do exist. i'll be there to possibly mold and create an army for a war worth fighting for. war of the mind.

primped to kill. dressed to thrill.

i can't ever really know whats going on, so it shouldn't bother me. ya know, not being able to figure anything out. this is my blog and i've been writing about pain alot and fear of commitment.... i guess. i'm almost sure those arent my main targets. people are safes. pad locked and wraped with 20 lbs of chains in lies. but, i decipher people almost down to the T. i know their future actions and how they'll affect me, and stunt my progression. i've been evolving. i am evolving. people ask be a million and twelve things about how i became who i am now, or whoever i will be, and i always answer by saying "my life is changing". they're almost too dumb to grasp what i mean. throughout my journey, on gaia (mother earth...?), i've met some of the best people. recently i met this man, age doesn't exist, he's from the UK and i appreciate him. have you ever met someeone who's energy was completely compatible? he and eye are a congenial combination. of course i didnt make the tragic mistake of falling for this man. i'm free. he understands i don't belong to anyone and noone belongs to me. we float through life ...thassit.

he said, "ms mckenzie, if i dont see you tomorrow morning me and you cease to exist." do i get a rebuttal? fuck it. i loved you first, remember that. i may be on a high horse now because i'm surrounded by so much love, but baby i loved YOU first. and we both were lonely at times, people get lonely. you and i both know much to well about being alone. everyone has had their firsts with me.. i was your first for a couple of things things things i never would consider doing in the mental condition i'm in now. schools fine. i love my friends. my dick is bigger than yours. and i will always make you feel like shit each time you think of me.

i don't play well.

i want this to be an expierence. this will feel like your first high; like you're soaring through the skies. but, a bit milder. today, i decided i was going to be a genius. i'm the meanest, and i mean this. tell me-- tell me what you thought when you first glanced my way. let my words subdue you, you you. i'm sorry i haven't been updating as often as you'd like me to. believe me, i have thought about it. i've just been livingggggggggg!!!

XD
suck on that.

revenge

you knew this was coming. hahaaa, you knew.
i'm on exotic. i smell exotic. i'm exotic. hello.

hotep. things that have been bothering me lately, i've let them go. so now i'm worry free. i have new hair, it's a bit archaic. i was told i look like chaka khan now. i don't mean to look like her. i guess, like her, our presence demands attnetion. SIDEBAR: i want to try an exxperiment. but not yet. this girl stepped on my shoe earlier. that reminded me to check my phone, and talk to my sis janaye s. to tell her about my escape plan. before i go into depth about it, i want you to remember how distraught and tragic my life has been; in terms of love and otherwise. my escape plan consists of me, ashley a, and janaye s. we're to move to the mountains, in trinidad, along with 8 guys (of my choice) to breed for us. we'll each have 12 children, and create a village. now remember, i don't really care what you think but, i'm not feeling this capitalistic society i'm forced to live in. i don't want to speak this language any longer, this latin/english mix up we're forced to speak. i simply want to live. but it's virtually impossible. then, i looked up, and asked the girl who stepped on my shoe the time.