Transition.

I've become to accustomed to being in a relationship that once I'm out of it, I lose everything. I don't want to be codependent, because-- I'm not awae of am emotional disorder that I have. Although that would be a great reason for why I constantly feel the way I do.
In my home there are 3 dominating signs, the Gemini [mom], Aries [brother], and Sagittarius [me]. We all can't rule under one roof. Fights tend to break out, not as often as they should, but when they do its like a country exploding. So.. I've met someone. He has conquered, though I promised myself I wouldn't allow it. But things got boring on my end. He's not as tall as I would've liked, and his complextion isn't the dark shade I prefer, but we make it work. We haven't gone out anywhere yet, or ever, because I'll be leaving for school on monday. Out of New York... into reality. I almost don't care if he doesn't show me any emotion. I have enough to give.
These guys I was in a relationship in were not all losers, Broadway J. Baker. They balanced my fast lifestyle, my drive for better, my tantrums, my fire. Days when I'd isolate myself from everything were the days when I most needed everything. Ever feel that way? There were times when I couldn't dream of living without people, things. Thought what I wanted was something I needed. I should've heeded.

I have to love myself 1st. That shit is so cliche.


CLEARIFICATION:
When I say love myself, I don't hate myself. I just mean genuinely, like at my bad and goood times. But I do love myself, alot of people I know and my friends don't love themselves. They don't think themselves as beautiful because of what is being promoted everywhere. I love my people; we're the most diverse race. From our melanin to our hair texture. Noone can get naturally kinky hair, ANYONE can have straight hair, ANYONE can get their hair blown out and asian perms. Long hair is EASY to get, may not be real but it's easy to persuae people. Try getting a bootsy collins, angela davis afro..... you cant. Try tanning for 15 hours and PRAYING you look like me... you can't. I love myself, but not genuinely.