(s)he lives in my head

like a desert needs water, i need you alot. i had him. i had him where i needed him to be. he didnt know to much and he didnt know to little. i love him. i swear to God i do. act of desperation... i need cleansing -- ive decided to limit my usage on social networks. i'm changing my diet to more water based foods (veggies + fruits), more water, more protein, and less carbohydrates. ill start using my camera more. i didnt know this is what it felt like. almost always my fault--ALWAYS my fault. you have to much power over me. its slightly scary. he doesnt believe me and it pains me. ill say one thing and you have to attack it. but i forgive you like i want you to forgive me. i have too much love for you. i know you dont believe me, i wouldnt believe me. i use the word i alot. you asked me one night what i wanted from you, i told you love and everything that comes with it. the heartache, strife, breakup, make up sex, arguments, and distance. i have way to many flaws to count on your fingers and toes. this is why i need you to understand me -- you said youd try. you said that. im so fucked up and i know that. i know how shitty of a person i can be. im becoming less of who i thought i was by the day and i think this is good for me. i want you. i told you i want you. i want to be the person you wake up to, the person you go to sleep with at night, i want to love you each and every night and all through the day, i want you to keep me safe, i need security and i believe you can provide this, i want alot i know. hahaa cliche: you dont know what you got till its gone. unpredictable you are. i have no regrets though, because at the time i know thats what i wanted, i know. why i landed on this planet is beyond me. i think it was to find you... im going to need to talk to you, when i get my shit together youd better be ready for me.

i'll live forever if i could, but not like this.