the stars are alive

this is a letter to the men i've loved. it's not in proper letter format, i know. but this is for you. as a fast lover, i never wanted to love fast. never thought i'd be the one to anyway. you came to me, wounded and half filled, with promises you only kept half the time. goodbye. we possibly met through mutual friends, the internet, off the street, in a club/lounge/bar, on a train, in front of my school, on my campus, je ne sais pas. but you left a massive indellible mark in my life some how. most of you have weak minds. you found a girl like me who opened you up, completely for the most part, and i made you less vunerable to others. most of you hate me now. i don't completely understand why but its probably for some petty shit. for some of you, i wish i never met you. i wish i never crossed your path. because for some of you, there's only one of me [get it?] and you are not healthy for me. this is the last time i will ever see you again. i am trying to leave my past behind, i've never tried that but if you do it the right way i was told it can be gone forever. tetrahydrocannabinol, or however you spell it, has been my friend for some time now. it has filled the voids of you and therefore left me empty at times, or stuck, or even in the clouds. i've floated since you've left-- you always leave. i can't even remember a time where it was my decision to leave. i tend to do that though, i sometimes start petty situations to make you want to leave. sometimes i had the few who didn't want to leave at all, the few to thought they can stand my wrath/my breaking out or through the cages you've put me in. but i live. i need to live so i don't disappeear inside. i know thats what you wanted, you want me to disappear even a little so that i'll be easier to tame. aside from that we've probably fucked so you also love the way my vagina feels. there were times when you've tried and succeeded to verbally abuse me. you'd say "fuck you" and shit like "i'm a whore" or some other bullshit and i'd stay quiet.. because me yelling back at you won't solve anything and i realized that even before you thought you had the upperhand. you see, you fucking forgot i have a brother and he talks shit all the time. he even schooled me on allllll the shit yall niggas do so i'm definately not new to the bullshit your pushin. i'm content though. there's nothing else i can be. i know of your sleeplessness and your stress; it's all bull. because half of you created all the issues we've ever had. yall know i don't stress anything except for the obvious breakup reasons [i.e cheating] but to you it's everything i do or don't do. i had someone like you already, so i know how to deal; i know how to play passive and meet your needs... or wants for the most part. half of you never let go of your mothers tit; you still have hers and now you have mine so you feel like you need to be comfoted by both but I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER. i used to love you. i did. and when i love, i love hard boy, you know it. but i began to fall, and they say what? "you fall even harder" and when you mess with someone like me you fall hard, and you miss me 100x more, and you call 20x more but i just save your name as IGNORE yes in caps, and i do just that 20x more. look, tonight i want you to look out your window and look for 3 stars and name all of them after me.

sincerely, the nicest: Isis.

quarantine your dreams

i'm a story-teller. i believe in mistakes and i believe in rewriting your mistakes. i hate this feeling i get sometimes when my world crashes. it's like heaven and hell, or the little we know about it, colliding and fireworks everywhere. its a horrible feeling. like right now i feel like exploding--i feel like i can't control anything at all and for the most part my little ass can't, but i sure as hell try. i need to be alone, but i hate being alone. everyone needs someone and i'm young, i can't be with someone now. although i'd like to think i do. i need consistency, which i hate. my sun god told me i wasn't consistent... it's in my nature not to be. i'm an inconsistent little person and i love that. he keeps talking to me about control and how much i want to control him but it seems as if its him that is desperately trying to control me. my fiance keeps saying "whatever" and "bullshit" to me-- what the fuck does whatever have to do with the question i am asking you and what bullshit are you specifically refering to? because i need to know. he's so vague. i know i shouldnt get upset about this shit, but it seems to me atleast, that if they don't want you to themselves (the control) they dont want you at all. then we have the ones that want you, but only for their convience, and i'm all for it i don't mind fucking you and just fucking you. but they tend to get attatched, they begin to forget that thats what they wanted and by you fulfilling that they grow on you and want more, he wants a relationship. one thing i dont believe in is relationships. i dont believe in anythnig that needs a title, except for the ones i make-up. society gets hung up on titles, but i'm not society.

i want to live in a world where people aren't so restricted. i want to live in a world where theres unlimited possibilities. i believe in parallel universes. i believe vermon control the earth, and other worlds we don't know about yet. things are in desperate need of change. i love to travel, i havent left the country often but i know i will. i just need someone to travel with, someone safe and with a mind half as crazy as mine. i dream alot. not in my sleep so much, but i day dream a lot. i like to read alot of DuBois and i like chocolate tall men who like what i like. i love my friends even the new ones i've met. ollie and gabbers are my loves. they don't know i'm sad often because i'm their shoulders to lean on. if you scream loud enough i'm almost sure i'll hear it. i believe in ice cream making everything better.

danger's at her finger tips

whores.

there's no better word. i just dont understand why we have sooo many adjectives if "only God can judge." this is absurd. these words make me feel berated, belittled, deficient, unsubstantial, subordinate -- limited. my brain cannot function in this environment where by every where i turn i am constantly being judged. its these fucking agjectives that is going to make the universe crash. i hate you. you stupid adjective. we're so fucked up that we even categorized the terms we use to judge ourselves; adjective. i woke up and felt like the world -- my world caved in. whore seems to be the only word i can think of where there is no specific word to describe a man. get it? there's promiscuous, but thats just to broad. extremely to broad. i fuck. and i love to fuck. i believe i'm a dude when it comes to fucking. "so she treats em like she treats em, better them than me.."

your cross; there you'll find her

I'm a Sagittarius. That's why you don't get it.

November 22 - December 21
Sagittarius, the ninth Sign of the Zodiac, is the home of the wanderers of the Zodiac. It's not a mindless ramble for these folks, either. Sagittarians are truth-seekers, and the best way for them to do this is to hit the road, talk to others and get some answers. Knowledge is key to these folks, since it fuels their broad-minded approach to life. The Sagittarian-born are keenly interested in philosophy and religion, and they find that these disciplines aid their internal quest. At the end of the day, what Sagittarians want most is to know the meaning of life, and if they accomplish this while feeling free and easy, all the better.
It's the Archer which represents Sagittarians, although in this case it's a Centaur (half man, half beast) which is flinging the arrows. Centaurs were the intellectuals of ancient Roman mythology, and Sagittarians are quick to consider themselves their modern-day counterparts. Those born under this Sign are clear thinkers and choose to look at the big picture most of the time. They also like it when others agree with their well-thought-out point of view. The alternative to this, for better or for worse, is a Sag who can become argumentative and blunt. That's not to say that these folks are intransigent -- Archers will listen to what others have to say, in keeping with the Mutable Quality assigned to this Sign. Indeed, Sagittarians are enthusiastic consumers of information (and enthusiastic in general), the better to get the answers they need. It's also a good idea to give Sags lots of room to explore their world. Once these folks start to feel hemmed in, they'll become impatient and difficult.





if compliments don't work, insults are a sure thing.