we run to things... and away from others.

Live the life you've imagined.

BITCH PAY HOMAGE!

I made AFRICAN BRAIDS come back. I made you want to do more than half the shit I'm doing. I don't care about half the world thats doing it, in our world you started it because of me. Unsure of yourself, you look for rescue in the arms of someone less worthy of your time. Someone as insecure as you-- you now have a follower. Following you to and fro, you guys have become the cloesets friends. I remeber the time you thought I'd told the whole world about something i'd just found out 2 minutes before the incident. Clueless and gullible are we. I have become less, but more prone to your games. Walking over me, I don't care much because I know what I want. I know what's in store for me in life, well at least I think I do. Atleast I know who to trust and who not to trust, who to let in my corner and who not to let in my corner. You see, I have become wiser- more expierenced. Expierence is the name everyone gives to their mistakes, and I make alot ALOTTT of those. Learn by me and prosper, my mother always said. But now I say that to you, because you are such a THIEF! Robbing the insecure, creating followers, becomming something you're not by placing yourself on this pedal stool. It's annoying how you expect me to follow you too... But you know me better than that. You know I can give two shits about whats going on in your life right now, but when you feel the need to confide in me I'm always around. At the end of the day when our kingdom fell apart you had your pawns I was one of them, when those pawns were caiught in the rapture and you got a new set of pawns I was one in that new set. I'm always around. BITCH PAY HOMAGE! Never getting the loyalty and respect I deserve I call you out. Here on this blogger. When you hate someone the hated never feel it, always the hater.--


There's so much shit everyone knows I've (and the other pawn) created, and you stole.
It amazes me how blind you are...

Dear Latin Guys,

It's me again. Your dulce de leche; the one you crave but worry about what your "boys" might say because I don't speak that "me da, me da" crap. Well I got something for you. I WON'T subject myself. I WON'T be your caramel "spanish" prototype. I don't want the shh, kind of relationship. The ones where, you whisper me something, but tell your friends and family something else. I won't get pregnant early; espicially since you want to keep me hidden anyway. I will not listen to how different you thought a black girl might be, because in actuality all females are generally the same. I will not allow you to call me nor my brother a "nigga" or any of your friends. Don't call me a "cocolo", because I will call you a "spic" or a gringo/guala(gwala). I will not have anal sex; unlike your female counterpart I care about where your penis goes. I will not have sex with you-- your cousin-- your friends OR ANYONE BUT YOU while I'm with you. I will not straighten my hair, you told me you was feelin' me when my hair was in naps, so you'd better like it now. If you don't like my, kinky hair and all, then STICK IT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT!

hold on to me

It's kind of hard to pick a favorite. I'll have to be greedy and say everything is my favorite everything. So hard to keep from you, I just met you. You're leaving, and so am I. "We'll write everyday!" you said, but you cant even call and tell me "goodnight". Wishing for this stage in my life to pass, so i can fast forward to the riches and the glamour and sit in my rocking chair with my grandchildren. I'm so beyond this-- everything is moving to slow for me. Independence is only a click away, but I wont dare touch it. Afraid? Afraid of failure, I am not. Afraid of what people might say, I am not. Afraid of what I can't accomplish, I am. Holding up to expectations isn't why I'm here, I just want to define my life. My purpose?-- dare I say. But I'll figure it out. I always do. When love comes around, I feel it. And I swear I've never loved anything as much as you. It should be a sin how hard I love. Dedication, I got that. When I'm in it I'm in; don't have any doubts on my half. I know what I'm capable of. But as for you, you play so much-- I remember the night you said you'd call me back, and the morning I called you because I wanted to argue. All I said was goodnight and hung up. The least you could've done was told me "goodnight".

as before part. 1

I don't want to ever have to bury my child. I want husband to die first. Something goes on in a mans head when their wife dies first, their entire sense of independence goes out the window and they become an empty vessel. Women are strong in many different ways than physically. We are the backbones of this world and we're the safe harbors of life. Although color may vary, we're essentially the same. When I grow old I would like my grandchildren to remember me as a nonchalant misfit. I want to be remembered as a child who can put her foot in it when she cooks. I want to be remembered as the woman who creates. I want my legacy to live on in my grandchildrens children. Death is of the essence...? I never understood that, but one thing I do understand is time. And our time is running out. Do all you can to be all that you want. Smoke all you want, drink all night, and fuck all day; in the end it was all worth it. Life is shorter now than ever before. People say we're not liberal as we once were-- conservative she calls us. There's shit left to fight for. I feel like im rambling...-- i'll continue this later.

poverty is expensive

Men don't know how to love in the same place they lust. They're weak, and they need to be mothered. Searching for someone who resembles their mothers, they're unconciously commiting incest. Tired of constantly telling you how to love me, how to allow my shattered heart to mend itself and reallow another painful breakup. But this is different, you understand that you were weaned from the breast as a baby, you understand what I've been longing for. Scared to say you complete me too soon, I want to hold off any and all negative thoughts. Believing good things as this don't happen to me-- ever, you make me over analyze everything. "just live" you wrote, will do.


sincerely,
-i'mmovingon.

baby when i used to love you...

I don't completely understand why you'd want me back. I'm evil and I've been called a bitch a numerous amount of times, and I've accepted that. People don't get any worse than this. I'm not the one to compare myself to a heartbreaker, but if the shoe fits... You constantly find me, via myspace, cell (call/text), aim-- all of these devices which are supposed to link us make me want to drift away from you. You say I "walk around like your shit don't stink, IT DOES!" well baby I know alot of people who think otherwise. STOP TELLING ME YOU LOVE ME, HOW MUCH YOU NEED ME/WANT ME BACK. It's unbearable to think of, all the shit I put you threw but you choose me?! Of all the ladies in the world, and you'd want ME back?? I know I'm completely invested in myself, and I'm young and selfish like that but let me live. Let me be able to live out my mistakes, allow me to take chances. I want to fuck up. I want to be put in a life threatening position. I need to take the risk, so the fall can change me. I need you to understand that "I am not broken, please don't fix me". Molding me won't make me happy, and baby I know you want me happy, but first you need to learn to accept. I am forever in your debt, you showed me how to grow. You were the one who opened my eyes, and without noticing I allowed you to take full control. I am now blind and I need time to regenerate. Needing time away from you is all I can think of, but the amount of hurt I will feel is going to consume me. You wanting me back would be a waste of time and a huge mistake. I want you happy and free from my flaws. You bruised me. For my current state of jade, to whom it shall not be named; I'll love you forever.


- Je ne suis pas fini. =\

ride into the sunset

"Vanity hides wounds that still probably hurt, and panoramic insanity dooms doers of dirt."

biggie had babies yesterday

DOB: APRIL 6,2009
i think its about 11 of them, but i cant see them all
and idk how many she ate, if she ate any.

they look like a bunch of pink pinkies and they cry when she gets up to stretch... its crazy.

so i guess i'm the grandmother....
whenever meech gives me my camera back i'll take photos of them...
and in 3 more weeks they'll have fur, open eyes, and they'll be running around the cage.

they also need more space.

wounds bleed fresh

It's been a while since I've last seen you. You talk about change, but in all honesty we can't. I'm sorry you're so hung up on the fact that our distance has changed you. That it has allowed you to grow up and progress? Sincerely, I doubt it. I've been in your shoes too often to believe these new weekly "I'm a changed man" speeches. Yes, you have changed, your outter existence has changed. Mentality only progressed... for the worst. Our conversations are usually about the past which was more than 3 years ago. I am definately not that girl, and I'd like you to stop talking about her. I'm molding myself to become more resistent. And yea.. I knowww you and youuu want me to be an open book, but this time I won't feed into the bullshit you enjoy seeing me believe. I'd grow, maybe even prosper and become more self reliant. That girl was pure-- I'm tainted and I've been used and I've accepted what I've become. I like my raw, nonchalant, fuck the world attitude. Because I only see myself in it. I can only see my struggles, my hardships, my pains. I'm sorry when you speak to me about 'how much you've changed' I don't have the right responses. I give you all of my raw emotion and you either have to take it or not. I understand you're going through it but so am I... so is everyone. Those little arguments with your mom, your sister, and your MIA dad aren't new to me. Debates with your fmaily, the ones you'd die for, shouldn't make you a changed man. Females you've been with shouldn't changed you either. But I understand you're like me, we're to tainted people living in the world we made up. Where only me and you exist. Dwelling on the past, we believe that when you return we'll be what we were... you said i was impossible to read, well imagine me now. It'll be easier to move on and to still keep in touch instead of forcing this to work out. Its like spraying perfume on shit. well.. c'est la vie, we'll figure it out i guess. till next time.


- frio- april fools?