try a little tenderness.

It's been a long time since I've last thought about you, "that way". You tell me sweet nothings and shit like you miss me or the worst of the bunch, i love you. Knowing good and damn well love don't got shit to do with the situation at hand. My trampled heart. Now, I'm strong in all that I do and say, so don't expect me to get all soft and less ignorant in person because of this blogger shit but you've messed up the next guy's chances at my heart. The future for me is full of deceit and I'm tired. I know I'm not the best host at times, and everything doesn't add up the way I've told it, but I'm able. I'm willing to please and thats what I expect back-- pleasure is my only calling because thats all I've known. Jaded since the day I've opened my eyes, I've embraced nothing more than you're large arms. Young girls... we get weary and love is our own happiness.



-- for He who shall not be named.

Michael Jackson Dies @ 50

Honestly, I am NOT a die hard fan. and this blog is NOT about how much I miss a man I never knew. Although this blog is to remind you that every second 7 people die and 9 are born. FUCK ONE PERSON, FUCK ALL HER DID. Imagine what those people did, how they died, how they're family must feel. We're stopping all the news, all this shit happening in Asia, and our country about to be in another war for ONE PERSON. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!. People die, thats life. You either learn to deal or, dwell in the past.

interracial dating, and such

you are my man. the one i am to confide in, you are my rock, and my strength. you are here to take the pain away, you're here to make shit better. yet, you constantly do things, that only you know how to do, to hurt me. mentally. but i allow it.

throughout life we constantly say "what doesnt kill me only makes me stronger" , but were they talking physically or mentally?

yall say you DONT want your woman to walk around in the skimpy shorts, and shirts that expose much of our stomach/boobs. but YET thats what you look at... thats what you YERN for. you guys gawk at those women while you're with your boys. but when YOUR woman does it its "GET BACK IN THE HOUSE" or what have you...

at any rate.
i'm walking with a friend and we were having a conversation about hair extentions, false nails, faux eyelashes and things of that. now he says "i dont get why 'my sistas' feel the need to resort to the european way of life." i punch him because i have on false nails. i spoke to him about how "my black men" chase these european women, and how we fell the need to save you all that trouble and just imitate them. we switch from european to white skinned women often. when i mention white skin i mean, you dont even fit in the yellow catergory. but, he gives me some shit about how the white colored women are natural--i correct him and tell him their hair isnt as thick as ours and that they get tracks [extensions] to make it full. i tell him how their eyelashes are full because their hair isnt. he tells me how turned off he is by their complextion, then says how in power he felt when he conquered yet another woman ligher than me. he talks about how it feels as if hes going aganist his parents, and i told him he is, if his parents knew what he was doing. He told me their bodies dont even turn them on completely, shapeless and pale. their attitude is "sweet and sincere. they throw themselves at me and i please". outraged.

i said, "black men dont want us to imitate them but yall constantly chase after them. why not look like something our men yern for? we want to be what you need." he says "we know where home is, but we need to venture off and 'test' our waters."

LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! let a affair like that occur in the 70s in one of the fuckin carolinas you'd be lynched. YESS THINGS LIKE THAT WENT ON THAT EARLY IN TIME. and they still occur now, people choose to mention what LARGE news is, and lynching in 2008 isnt large.
welll i guess he hates me, because he relizes how wrong his argument was. he calls me racist, i have a vaiety of races in my family. but i told him how confused i was when he he said they were "sweet and sincere" -- hell im sweet! i just dont get how interracial couples can take the hate filled stares that are shot their way. i still want him to tell me why he'd prefer something less than a queen, and why when we choose to assimilate yall STILL dont want us.

fuck what you heard

no really-- just mother fuck what you heard.
;]


PROM PHOTOS WILL BE UP JUNE 4TH.
PROM DATE IS JUNE 3RD.
[ ; tres tres excite. oui!

we run to things... and away from others.

Live the life you've imagined.

BITCH PAY HOMAGE!

I made AFRICAN BRAIDS come back. I made you want to do more than half the shit I'm doing. I don't care about half the world thats doing it, in our world you started it because of me. Unsure of yourself, you look for rescue in the arms of someone less worthy of your time. Someone as insecure as you-- you now have a follower. Following you to and fro, you guys have become the cloesets friends. I remeber the time you thought I'd told the whole world about something i'd just found out 2 minutes before the incident. Clueless and gullible are we. I have become less, but more prone to your games. Walking over me, I don't care much because I know what I want. I know what's in store for me in life, well at least I think I do. Atleast I know who to trust and who not to trust, who to let in my corner and who not to let in my corner. You see, I have become wiser- more expierenced. Expierence is the name everyone gives to their mistakes, and I make alot ALOTTT of those. Learn by me and prosper, my mother always said. But now I say that to you, because you are such a THIEF! Robbing the insecure, creating followers, becomming something you're not by placing yourself on this pedal stool. It's annoying how you expect me to follow you too... But you know me better than that. You know I can give two shits about whats going on in your life right now, but when you feel the need to confide in me I'm always around. At the end of the day when our kingdom fell apart you had your pawns I was one of them, when those pawns were caiught in the rapture and you got a new set of pawns I was one in that new set. I'm always around. BITCH PAY HOMAGE! Never getting the loyalty and respect I deserve I call you out. Here on this blogger. When you hate someone the hated never feel it, always the hater.--


There's so much shit everyone knows I've (and the other pawn) created, and you stole.
It amazes me how blind you are...

Dear Latin Guys,

It's me again. Your dulce de leche; the one you crave but worry about what your "boys" might say because I don't speak that "me da, me da" crap. Well I got something for you. I WON'T subject myself. I WON'T be your caramel "spanish" prototype. I don't want the shh, kind of relationship. The ones where, you whisper me something, but tell your friends and family something else. I won't get pregnant early; espicially since you want to keep me hidden anyway. I will not listen to how different you thought a black girl might be, because in actuality all females are generally the same. I will not allow you to call me nor my brother a "nigga" or any of your friends. Don't call me a "cocolo", because I will call you a "spic" or a gringo/guala(gwala). I will not have anal sex; unlike your female counterpart I care about where your penis goes. I will not have sex with you-- your cousin-- your friends OR ANYONE BUT YOU while I'm with you. I will not straighten my hair, you told me you was feelin' me when my hair was in naps, so you'd better like it now. If you don't like my, kinky hair and all, then STICK IT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT!

hold on to me

It's kind of hard to pick a favorite. I'll have to be greedy and say everything is my favorite everything. So hard to keep from you, I just met you. You're leaving, and so am I. "We'll write everyday!" you said, but you cant even call and tell me "goodnight". Wishing for this stage in my life to pass, so i can fast forward to the riches and the glamour and sit in my rocking chair with my grandchildren. I'm so beyond this-- everything is moving to slow for me. Independence is only a click away, but I wont dare touch it. Afraid? Afraid of failure, I am not. Afraid of what people might say, I am not. Afraid of what I can't accomplish, I am. Holding up to expectations isn't why I'm here, I just want to define my life. My purpose?-- dare I say. But I'll figure it out. I always do. When love comes around, I feel it. And I swear I've never loved anything as much as you. It should be a sin how hard I love. Dedication, I got that. When I'm in it I'm in; don't have any doubts on my half. I know what I'm capable of. But as for you, you play so much-- I remember the night you said you'd call me back, and the morning I called you because I wanted to argue. All I said was goodnight and hung up. The least you could've done was told me "goodnight".

as before part. 1

I don't want to ever have to bury my child. I want husband to die first. Something goes on in a mans head when their wife dies first, their entire sense of independence goes out the window and they become an empty vessel. Women are strong in many different ways than physically. We are the backbones of this world and we're the safe harbors of life. Although color may vary, we're essentially the same. When I grow old I would like my grandchildren to remember me as a nonchalant misfit. I want to be remembered as a child who can put her foot in it when she cooks. I want to be remembered as the woman who creates. I want my legacy to live on in my grandchildrens children. Death is of the essence...? I never understood that, but one thing I do understand is time. And our time is running out. Do all you can to be all that you want. Smoke all you want, drink all night, and fuck all day; in the end it was all worth it. Life is shorter now than ever before. People say we're not liberal as we once were-- conservative she calls us. There's shit left to fight for. I feel like im rambling...-- i'll continue this later.

poverty is expensive

Men don't know how to love in the same place they lust. They're weak, and they need to be mothered. Searching for someone who resembles their mothers, they're unconciously commiting incest. Tired of constantly telling you how to love me, how to allow my shattered heart to mend itself and reallow another painful breakup. But this is different, you understand that you were weaned from the breast as a baby, you understand what I've been longing for. Scared to say you complete me too soon, I want to hold off any and all negative thoughts. Believing good things as this don't happen to me-- ever, you make me over analyze everything. "just live" you wrote, will do.


sincerely,
-i'mmovingon.