uncut to the gut.

why?
like why? why the fuck am i even given the time to make the amount of mistakes i've been making? who is in charge? who the fuck is giving me this time? just wasting it. this atrocity, my life. you don't get it. you won't, and i'm not asking you to. as my concious level increases i learn how to seperate you from you, to you and you. everything is easier now, in the sense that nothing was ever really hard to being with. life is much more. i know what i want now, i've always known but i just couldn't go about it the way i want. visions of you and i still.... you won't trust me. iwonttrustme. today is my day, as every day is. i don't even care if you don't acknowledge me anylonger. but you knew i was no goooood. i'm no gawd! i fuck uppp. i fuck up all the time, as everyone does. i cant give you joy any longer i know this. you go out to meet your chicks. i hate you. i hate i hate i hate i hate--i love i love i love i love i love i love, i really do know how to love. feels like i've been here before. it feels like your heaven between my legs, like your embrace wasn't good enough, like your thrusts were your last. i'll miss you though. late nights... early mornings... faitlful concubine/voodoo priest. :) i'm smiling because i wasn't able to tell the façades from the interior; and that is completely my fault. i know better, i've been trained to fish out the false fronts. but with you my gaurd was down entirely and vulnerability overpowered me. this pains me. i've been moving on slowly though... i've also been going back to you whenever you yerned for me, to see if i desired you half as much as i thought i did. and i have. but i crave you less now. rather, i dont crave you at all.
at all.


- jaded