suicide has crossed my mind

no one will ever understand the pain and embarrassment. not being able to recollect my thoughts of that horrendous night is shameful. looking into my man eyes he was someone different he was looking past me. but you cant blame me everything concerns me. the insides of my thighs are killing me, i woke up swinging swinging swinging. so innocent that night was so innocent i was i don't care what matters to you you didnt care what you did to me. you disrespected me. everything was forced i even passed out swinging. i dont mean to bother you baby but right now right now right now how could this be whos gonna save me.