the end is approaching.

we have been living in riddles forever. our lives are in shambles and yet we find comfort in (not humanity! but) inanimatecy. thats not a word but you get it. our minds are the greatest entertainment we have and we abuse it by not using it. two thousand eleven is approaching and all you want to change is your looks? so shallow we've become. when we are born we are first aware of, not ourselves, but others. we are aware of our mother and her love for us, due to the fact that we have no consciousness of our own selves. we learn to master our mothers love, and through appreciation/care/love she has for us we feel valuable, we feel significant. as time progresses an ego builds and being apprehensive appears normal. once the significance has been built, your ego grows and you don't want it shattered. shallow shallow shallow. thats all i'm seeing for the new year.

flirting with the clouds

we are existing through light. i dont even write the same as before. constant constant constant consistency. i am ill-equipped. its like im just here, waiting. i'm waiting, and waiting. ill-equipped because i dont have a clue on what i should do to better peoples knowledge about me. i am the anti. bruised, he said, like the rest just throw it out. im a fucking apple ive been picked specifically on my face/small frame/weak ambition. my apologies for, not satisfying your simple sugar craving, being extremely firm, and wilting after the first bite. i never wanted to be anything other than you're everything and at this point this sentence is going to need a comma. well i want you happy at all cost. -__- and i want me happy at all cost.

this morning i woke up and you were the first thing i saw. you brought me breakfast, and a ring. i threw that shit out the window.

there is no greater thrill,

than what you bring to me. my day was full of empty rooms and petite frames. i'm a bit drunk, and busy calling out the worng names. i think he likes me, it excites me.

hahaaaa, i laugh at him. he just wrote me. but he's not aware his name is saved as IGNORE. and it's hilarious, when he writes me sweet things and i'm like huhh?? home now, eye have so many to visit and very little time. we are so different, and he doesnt hear hear hear hear me. he listens though... thassit.

my nigggaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when will eye get to see you? when will you give a fuck? all of the world is weak, i am awake again. just got in actually. i've been gambling with my life... not really... we are all smiles until we reach for them toys and devices, shit created to trap us then mold us into into into. i can't understand you, because i dont want to. i'm happier when you're healthy and when the unexplainable occurs, when i do shit and you do too. simultaneously. marquis i just want you to understand eye do not want my children to have 8 ether hair. they need to know how vital their melanin is. the afrikaan diaspora varies and they won't appreciate it if they are yellow. this is a fact. and i wont discuss it further with you. i just don't play fair and although i am selfless i consider the future and what i bring onto this planet. i didnt ask you to put up with my shit. i just love you around because i know you would. my birthday was on the 22nd. i did not get the DEEEE! and eye am furious. i need it so i wont be agitated, ...i have been agitated. it hurts. eye am not a nymphomaniac.... i won.

lately i've been thinking,

we do things differently.






we love different.

if eye love him eye'll let him go,

right?

baby eye'm magic, TADA!

yo, my first REAL night outing in DC. cocoa butter on brown skin...

this isn't what it seems.....

-hotep peace nubians Y

who will survive in america?

Us living as we do, upside down. And the new word to have is revolution. People don’t even want to hear the preacher spill or spiel, because God’s whole card has been thoroughly piqued. And America is now blood and tears instead of milk and honey. The youngsters who were programmed to continue fucking up, woke up one night digging Paul Revere and Nat Turner as the good guys. America stripped for bed and we had not all yet closed our eyes. The signs of Truth were tattooed across our open ended vagina. We learned to our amazement untold tale of scandal. Two long centuries buried in the musty vault, hosed down daily with a gagging perfume. America was a bastard the illegitimate daughter of the mother country whose legs were then spread around the world and a rapist known as freedom, free doom. Democracy, liberty, and justice were revolutionary code names that preceded the bubbling bubbling bubbling bubbling bubbling in the mother country’s crotch
What does Webster say about soul?
All I want is a good home and a wife
and a children and some food to feed them every night.
After all is said and done build a new route to China if they’ll have you.

Who will survive in America?
Who will survive in America?
Who will survive in America?
Who will survive in America?

- Gil Scott-Heron :: Times Running Out

i'll call before i come.

so bank of america put a hold on my check. because i've never deposited anything of that amount before.

i'm not rich i'm wealthy.

lmao @ "our experience with you as a customer" hahaaa

- hotep

ladies sing the bleus so well

me and bryan.

i woke up this morning. still rolling rolling rolling. i'm still on the east side. somewhere in maryland taking photos and changing lives. school is going well. i am given so many chances to replevin myself. it's amazing. i'm banking on celibacy this winter, people usually cuddle up due to the change in temperature and in the spring you see all the mommas bellies. its sickening. i was not conceived. what.

peace king.

i may see you tonight... all of you.

the life and times of a demonic mind, excited with crime.

thats all you can come up wth? these chicks today maaaaaaannnn. they are EXTREMELY entertaining. i'm unequivocally, glad these men keep them around. although, those chicks are around seventeen and these men are atleast twenty five, they bring a sort of charm to the room. we peep game though. we're not trying to fuck your men, please believe. we're just stoners and we follow the cyph hahaa. but, they sit around while me and my girls roll through like gods and they're SUPER silent. our presence demands attention, so of course the throng approaches us in excitement. we're wired on different depressants and people think we're the smoothest things walking.... it most definitely took us long enough to wake up and realise who the fuck we were. not me and my friends indicatively, but my melanites. sorry if you feel left out we realised who the fuck we are. we've been blinded this entire spell... under a sleeping spell maybe? they feed you all of this bullshit. place it in our history HIS-STORY books (in our schools) in our living rooms. where are we--

i'm having all the fun.

hahaa. i'm livin, its happy, i've understood most of these pricks surrouding me.. i've fished out the significant from the meaningless. moderately i've finally decided to never ever tweet/fb again but i may check my DMs... hahaa. any whoo. orange rhinos are life. Y FYL if you're not "hip". touch down in the land where the skies are bleu, in the middle of the pouring rain. everybody was laughin, ectasy shining down on me im ravin. im ravin.

what.

you'll never know. question or statement?! mmm... so my life consists of not feeling the way you think you feel. outer body experiences. seeing yourself and redefining yourself, gradually of course. i am isis the nicest. too much? toooo much. hahaa. word play but i'm just as confused. i hope no one sleeps.. they'll soon realize the sun never sets. the sun never sets. the sun never sets.

love and light.

peace nuwaubian king/queen

trapped inside this pretty little lie.

look, things are about to change. but this is me, i'm still the same. imagine -- i re-wrote this many times ; so excuse the date -- see, i believe in... eye think my high is coming down. hyghh off life of course. read read read. educate. please. breed! why not. im infamous, my name already crowned it. we smoked before then came through and like hounds we found it. we smoked that, then we went upstairs and sat back. and like moths you attacked and came to our light. we are children of the sun ; our light is super bright. we try not to fight, but we walk around and we're the only ones in sight. its like... there's no one in sight. the meaningless are extras... get rid of them. know who to keep the significant around.

#imalwaysbored

you want me to come by?

you do. at any rate, [my] our hair defies gravity. hahaa, bet you didn't know that. children of the sun ; i am a sun child. black black black like my iPOD. i'm exaggerating. he's an amazing guy. i have infidelity issues. i'm just glad that i'm able to dwell on it now, and not when i'm a complete woman. at this point, i feel like half a woman. i feel semi-incomplete. not going to get in depth with that now. he knew prior to our relationship i had infidelity issues. he'd ask the usual; how old are you? , where were you born? , how many dudes you fcuked?. and i'd answer in all honesty. sigh thanks for letting me know AFTER i fucked up that dude was a lameee. then again, i did what i want. and i lived without consequences. everyone is competing. and its aggravating me. you can have it. but i'm still a boss... they still flocked to us at the end. ha.

hotep. love. and light.

_itsreallytheeighthofseptembertwothousandten_

Bad Brains - Sacred Love - I Against I

listen.

.nem ot kcab tnew i

i've never left. but did you think about me while i was gone? while you were driving down atlanic ave eating a turkey burger? i wonder how often you consider me and every little feeling i feel. i hope you don't forget how moody i've become. even if the world sees me otherwise. i hope you don't forget to feel. i don't want you to forget how i feel when you do something minor wrong, or when someone around me fucks up. and how much it remains on my mind because it hurts to much to talk about it.
like that one time, about 30minutes ago. but i can't possibly tell you about it. if you don't realize while its going on or even sometime before then i can't ever expect you to understand. ever. but something keeps hinting me towards you. something keeps allowing me to respond to your texts and answer your phone calls. even the random activities you have me do with you. something grants me the strength to get dressed and say "i'll be ready in twenty."

i just want to get away, but not really. so indecisive it pains me. getting things off my chest never helped me. people still question and it irks me. i only want whats best for you, and it ain't me. i keep going on, and i feels like poetry. but our life together isn't meant to be. don't you see?

motion picture shit

we were on the fire escape. him with the joints and me twirling my fingers, just sitting back letting my mind linger. everything seemed so alive, of course after the third hit i was fried. he said "everytime i see you i learn something new" i looked at him puzzled, trying to construe. we're alike but so different, he does little things trying to hint it. the thing is i already know and honestly i just want to see how far he'll go. he's more than my friend and our time together was coming to an end. so, now we're on the train and he says "where do you wanna sit" i look at him at smile because he already knew it. i sat, and he said "of course she wanted a windoooww seat."

these girls are trying to be queens

the revolution is near. we're sick of trying to be tough. we used to think you had the power to tear our hearts away. we are slowly getting our conciousness back and becoming more aware of this world full of poems and paintings. i guess this means we're through, or it means we're breaking. keep an eye on him. just look what he's done, just look. it feels alright sometimes, and i keep repeating this as my thoughts get deeper. hundred lights flash through the paking lot, a hundred lights on me, a hundred different fires, a hundred different passions. you'd think i was scared, i'd rather be young. follow your ambitions. follow that record's tune. follow follow follow. my brain elapses sometimes. what do you think now? what will you think when you see me? when i'm sick, when i'm dead, when i forget, will you forget? never forget. i'm losing everything.

i know this world is changing. i'm aware of everything as long as my eyes give me sight. women of the world, so amazing. be afraid. be afraid. be afraid. fear nothing. i fear nothing. these girls are trying to be queens, they do not know we are goddessess. beautiful melanites so beautiful shades of browns. hair in coils, kinks, like strength. you people work so hard for it to be straight. you mutiliate your scalps. you hate yourselves. but fuck you for hating it. fuck you for this tom foolery, this trickery, this mental trap, this. i love us. i love us more than you can imagine.

there's a storm on the way

I prefer peace, wouldn't have to have one worldly possession. But essentially I'm an animal, so just what do I do with all the aggression?

the world is yours, everything else is mathematics. all i want is your understanding, but i'm fine. days aren't numbered any longer, blind faith--law of attraction engulfs me. there has been a countless number of times where i spoke something into existence, nothing fantasticcal of course. more like people i'll run into espicially when i would never run into them on a regular day nor would i be in their usual hang out spot. i'm tired of people asking me what i would call myself. the sad thing is, we cant seem to go on with life without constantly marking shit. we need to know what we're dealing with and the second we don't-- the second we need to question we lose a sense of security. we thought we knew.. but we never had a clue. i'm tired. the thing is i know who i am, i'm just exhausted trying to prove me to you. when we speak, i look you directly in the eye, i was told that if i don't one might take me as a falsifier or a cheat. i'll keep it friendly. i'm first going to approach my goals... i don't want to label it, i'll just call it "shit i want to get done quick". i'll start by eliminating the people who don't mean a thing to me, then i'll move to the people i've grown distant with. i was told it's healthy for people like me to talk to others that don't think the same as i do. the ignorant people (hahaaa). i won't be there to change their minds, more like a guide in hopes of showing them that everyone doesn't think like THEM, and people like me do exist. i'll be there to possibly mold and create an army for a war worth fighting for. war of the mind.

primped to kill. dressed to thrill.

i can't ever really know whats going on, so it shouldn't bother me. ya know, not being able to figure anything out. this is my blog and i've been writing about pain alot and fear of commitment.... i guess. i'm almost sure those arent my main targets. people are safes. pad locked and wraped with 20 lbs of chains in lies. but, i decipher people almost down to the T. i know their future actions and how they'll affect me, and stunt my progression. i've been evolving. i am evolving. people ask be a million and twelve things about how i became who i am now, or whoever i will be, and i always answer by saying "my life is changing". they're almost too dumb to grasp what i mean. throughout my journey, on gaia (mother earth...?), i've met some of the best people. recently i met this man, age doesn't exist, he's from the UK and i appreciate him. have you ever met someeone who's energy was completely compatible? he and eye are a congenial combination. of course i didnt make the tragic mistake of falling for this man. i'm free. he understands i don't belong to anyone and noone belongs to me. we float through life ...thassit.

he said, "ms mckenzie, if i dont see you tomorrow morning me and you cease to exist." do i get a rebuttal? fuck it. i loved you first, remember that. i may be on a high horse now because i'm surrounded by so much love, but baby i loved YOU first. and we both were lonely at times, people get lonely. you and i both know much to well about being alone. everyone has had their firsts with me.. i was your first for a couple of things things things i never would consider doing in the mental condition i'm in now. schools fine. i love my friends. my dick is bigger than yours. and i will always make you feel like shit each time you think of me.

i don't play well.

i want this to be an expierence. this will feel like your first high; like you're soaring through the skies. but, a bit milder. today, i decided i was going to be a genius. i'm the meanest, and i mean this. tell me-- tell me what you thought when you first glanced my way. let my words subdue you, you you. i'm sorry i haven't been updating as often as you'd like me to. believe me, i have thought about it. i've just been livingggggggggg!!!

XD
suck on that.

revenge

you knew this was coming. hahaaa, you knew.
i'm on exotic. i smell exotic. i'm exotic. hello.

hotep. things that have been bothering me lately, i've let them go. so now i'm worry free. i have new hair, it's a bit archaic. i was told i look like chaka khan now. i don't mean to look like her. i guess, like her, our presence demands attnetion. SIDEBAR: i want to try an exxperiment. but not yet. this girl stepped on my shoe earlier. that reminded me to check my phone, and talk to my sis janaye s. to tell her about my escape plan. before i go into depth about it, i want you to remember how distraught and tragic my life has been; in terms of love and otherwise. my escape plan consists of me, ashley a, and janaye s. we're to move to the mountains, in trinidad, along with 8 guys (of my choice) to breed for us. we'll each have 12 children, and create a village. now remember, i don't really care what you think but, i'm not feeling this capitalistic society i'm forced to live in. i don't want to speak this language any longer, this latin/english mix up we're forced to speak. i simply want to live. but it's virtually impossible. then, i looked up, and asked the girl who stepped on my shoe the time.

uncut to the gut.

why?
like why? why the fuck am i even given the time to make the amount of mistakes i've been making? who is in charge? who the fuck is giving me this time? just wasting it. this atrocity, my life. you don't get it. you won't, and i'm not asking you to. as my concious level increases i learn how to seperate you from you, to you and you. everything is easier now, in the sense that nothing was ever really hard to being with. life is much more. i know what i want now, i've always known but i just couldn't go about it the way i want. visions of you and i still.... you won't trust me. iwonttrustme. today is my day, as every day is. i don't even care if you don't acknowledge me anylonger. but you knew i was no goooood. i'm no gawd! i fuck uppp. i fuck up all the time, as everyone does. i cant give you joy any longer i know this. you go out to meet your chicks. i hate you. i hate i hate i hate i hate--i love i love i love i love i love i love, i really do know how to love. feels like i've been here before. it feels like your heaven between my legs, like your embrace wasn't good enough, like your thrusts were your last. i'll miss you though. late nights... early mornings... faitlful concubine/voodoo priest. :) i'm smiling because i wasn't able to tell the façades from the interior; and that is completely my fault. i know better, i've been trained to fish out the false fronts. but with you my gaurd was down entirely and vulnerability overpowered me. this pains me. i've been moving on slowly though... i've also been going back to you whenever you yerned for me, to see if i desired you half as much as i thought i did. and i have. but i crave you less now. rather, i dont crave you at all.
at all.


- jaded

whatisitaboutmen.

i figure it like this, you either win or you die. those are my two extremes, no in betweens like AT ALL. what do i do to you when you gaze into my eyes? what happens to you when i lie? i've been keeping myself busy lately. i'm blaming my lack of discipline, and my knack for procrastinating. art art aren't you a biology major, studyyyyyyy. these eyes, these eyes need drying. and her heart needs mending.... literally. i am the infinite darkness, and i am most comfortable in your bed. naked. raw. you are growing so distant, and so are my thoughts. i wish you were aware, completely.

the only emotion i tend to readily display is anger, and i intend on keeping it that way." -my bitter cousin ilh<3>

try to write a love song. for me. and i'll tell you I DO. the only thing chicks want out of life is someone to protect her, believe me she like to feel secure. and the only thing dudes want is for his 'one that got away' to say I DO, and to apologize. or maybe not hahaa. i won't know. i live in a world full of fantasy, so please keep your reality away from me...

you used to do things to me. thin air, and i feel the tickle of the grass beneath my toes. then i always wonder why i left, and the things that i know are make believe. i made him believe. but your story's so old.. so old... so old stories are what i tell you now. they worked then, so why not now. why not now? i'm cleaning out my closet. what the fuck does that mean anyway, and what closet does everyone happen to always clean out? i try to sleep.
this is me cleansing...

i drew them -- do you see my signature? Isis M.

obscene obession to the "bling"

i gotta let him go.... they say the blacker the berry, the deeper the roots. mmmm. hahaa, they don't lie.
there were letters without a postage stamp. letters i needed to get rid of, but i had no stamp. there are never stamps when you need them, like people. people are rarely there, atleast the person you need, when you need them to be. my letter, fortunately, never needs stamps. my letters speak, they breathe, and someday when i look into your eyes, you'll be albe to read that letter. there was a sun shower today. i tried to write a song, about you. it's so hard to focus, and i need to master how you do it. once i do, i'll miss you half as much as you miss me. the better to see you with my dear. i wish to feel smaller in your hands, and under your sheets -- it doesn't matter who i am, or who i pretend to be. just smoke cigarettes and sleep... the morning after i realise i'm sick and tired of trying to be tough. you know? i'm going to stub my pinky toe, my heart is going to break, my soul may break, the right side of my brain will be erased of all the love that is stored there, i might forget you, but not these moments. the pitt gets deeper...
and who the fuck do i think i am? i'd raher be young, espicially during these times. i just hope my love is enough. "..and we'll travel, and i'll get you all the shoes you want" he says he says he says he says. i'm telling a story, of many. get-out-of-my-head. i just want to know what life would be like if i was a bit taller. about 5' 11". kill the cows, make burgers. kill the turkey, make a thanksgiving meal. kill me and make chipotle! ahoy mate!!!!!!


and just like that.... my soul was put through a paper shredder. i died.
what was yours like?

but, what if he's the one?

thought i'd wait, but to late now i'm gone.

he's the epitome of the man i'd die to marry. it appears that in almost every situation i'm the one who fucks shit up. i sit alone sometimes, think about the "what ifs" and "if i didn't do this would that happen.." no more vices though. i'm almost sure with the amount of resistance i have, i'll be pure again. amongst other things... like celibacy and sobriety. he's like 6'3" and hes a gorgeous shade of dark brown, and i think he likes white girls. its puzzles me, honestly. i've been shitty towards him. i don't wake up and intentionally go out to hurt people. i don't have enough time to make that happen, although i do wake up and hurting people seems to come naturally. not my intentions, though. we wouldve had some sexy ass kidsss, and they wouldve been geniuses, on both parts. i'm eclectic and hes preserved/shy. opposites, i suppose. but they attract stronger than people with similarities... they don't appear to last long. but i love this man. cliche cliche cliche the one that got away, so cliche.

love, i thought you had my back this time.

=\

black and ugly as ever

Didn't know how long anything would last. We usually go into things, with high hopes and blind to the truth. Thats why we seek for strength when we're hurt. People crawl up under a belief and claim they're sanity. Am I, am I, am I here? I constantly wonder what's real and what isn't, and as far as I know whatever dimension I am in now doesn't seem suitable. I would say "I wish.." but I stopped wishing when my stars grew dim. Honestly, what are we doing here? Doesn't your world seem to be falling apart at the seams? I know you've noticed strange things happening as well. The quickest things that has been in and out my life is love. lol or whatever it is.

I never expect my actions to have consequences. Although I know they're capable of having some, I just never thought....*sigh* it feels like my will is weakened, lack of ambition after every pull. I haven't felt this way in years. I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted and I can FINALLY breathe. FINALLY. I am free and I smile ten times more than everr before because I know now that whatever decision I make from this point on will either help me grow or destroy me. I've always known who to love, and who will guide me, but there is another thing I also always do as well, and that is what I want. It will take a long time for you to understand that I am the way I am because of my mind. I'm a walking tragedy and things don't get any better. Alot of the content inside of me, is crap and rainbow sprinkles but I am learning to be okay with that. Once I completely learn to be happy with myself, I will embrace all that I am and you will either turn your head from shame or love me.

My secret , is that I'm full of secrets. I've been considering telling my parents everything I've done since 12 and being released from this tension I think i have. But it's more profound than that. I write about myself alot, you'd think I know who I was by now. I know who I'm not. I know who you think I am, and I know who you think you are. I know about the facade you put up, all of it. Cut it out.... I love you, but I love me more right? There comes a time in a womans life where she has to make two crucial decisions. She either pursues her career goal (not what she wants) or she does what she loves with the man she loves. Because you and I both know there is always a man involved. What does she do?

fourtwentyoneam

use your imagination.

drained. i feel drained right now. almost weak, but not quite it feels like a steady high. hahaa, overstand me? i'm your favorite melody, you can't seem to get rid of me. i see you. you are reality. if theres ONE thing i know as good as my body, it's his body. ladies, ladiessssss stop being ladies. diante said he feels cold energy coming from me, that high night. my hands are usually cold--cold hands make a warm heart, my mom says. but cold energy, sadness/inadequacy, maybe i don't completely know. what kind of fuckery are you? i feel fine now though.. almost as if a huge weight has been lifted off of my body. like when you're swimming under water and everything is still, beauty. theres isn't a right or wrong, because ethics mean as much to me and they did to the person who created them, and still "break the rules." please save it. save whatever judgements you may try to pass on me, because i've stated the type of person i will forever be, a little earlier than expected. they say "college will be the best years of your life" and "college is where you find yourself." well i know grad students who STILL don't know who the fuck they are, and are constantly searching within their bedsheets with new women nightly, but i don't judge. i'm not calling anyone out, because there is no meaning to our actions. we act on impulse, thats all i know.

.high ultimate the am I

please, you can't cut me with your words any longer. or shoot me with anymore lies. i promise you, i am not the person you imagine me to be. or maybe i've dreamt up this other you and thats who i want to see. i want to tell you about life and its deceit, but i can't. i used to love hard. i did. but it hurts now. knowing as much as i know hurts. it's so hard to tell reality from anything fictitious anymore. i swear you will have trouble sleeping. my days are going by entirely to fast and weight is the least of my worries. balance, you understand? i need balance please.

what means the world to you?

only lovers see

at some point, shit needs to change. he takes so much of my energy and i need to stop allowing this. i need to stop allowing people to control my emotions. lately i've been feeling strange, i've noticed how extremely nonchalant i've become even more so than the years before. as history repeats i cant help but question myself on my motives. my mind body and soul never work together properly, always in constant competition. who can get out first (soul), who will she listen to now (mind), my appearance falling apart (body). there is just tooo much of my energy being wasted on nothing of importance. the way i feel should only be manipulated by me and it saddens me knowing you have this much power over me. people become so reckless when they realise the amount of control they possess. this goes for everyone though. Almost like when we're children and we want pets, we want something to tame and train. theres something in us that drives us to become power hungry. most of my energy has been wasted on people who offer nothing, on people who have left no indellible marks on my life. i've been exchanging energies for almost a decade now and i'm tired. i can't believe i played myself like this.

you make it hard to breathe and i cant stand you. impossible to live with the thought of you. you're there or you're not, i dont know, but i always see you. remember? remember when i told you everything that used to be on my mind and you wouldnt say shit. you listened because responding could've lead to my demise or my birth. you watched the way you moved around me, because my animaliatic behavior would've allowed me to sense your fear, curiosity, deceit, and weariness. you were also careful of what you said to me. i told you i was fragile and when you're dealing with fragile people you have to remember, we break easily. we'll walk around with a sign on our head that says "not easliy broken" becase we want to see who will take care of us. we're tough because you're not. we know about you. the gentle creatures know about you. i come from a place where everything the common person thinks is a fairy tale almost always isn't. pigs do fly and humans too, in an act of desperation i get lost in my dreams... take me away. heartbreak, i'm so used to it. or is it the other way around? i break hearts? let me tell you something, he says, i want to sleep alone tonight. tonight. tonight. tonight.

now keep in mind that i'm an artist

...and i'm sensitive about my shit.

chipped glass chipped face chipped nails, fuck you fuck me fuck up. he left me again, but whats new? *laughs ecstatically* broken thoughts, heart trembles when i see you, and you know i saw you. loving you is just like air, honestly what did you think of me? tell me. lie to me. whatever. and i am laughing at you. i told you who i was, who i'm trying to be, but who am i? who are we? just like air you're never really there. you're just. like. air. you're alwaysssss there -- so, life isn't all i thought it was. life has been a dream since i've heard the nursery song, row row row your boat consider my life a movie because nothing else seems to fit the description. classic tale of a young girl who i've already mentioned. i've been through it. there are times in our lives when we must break routine. people think they're making they're own futures but its already been foreseen. i'm sad because noone wants a change, instead people are still looking for someone to blame. annoyed. tired. high. low. corrupt. religion. own. me. slavery. shit. fuck. shutthefuckup.

this is my theme park.

"Keep your head high sweety, they'd kill to see you fall."

We cling to music, to poems, to quotes, to writing, to art, Because we desparately do not want to be alone. We want to know we aren't going crazy and someone else out there knows exactly how you're feeling. We want someone to explain the things we can't. We love everything tied up neatly, easy, simple and when we can't do that, it scares the hell out of us. To not know the next step, or where you're headed, kills. Being unsure isn't in our plans. It's those moments, the ones where you risk it and step unknowingly into the future that assures us life is larger than we'll ever know. Live it up, drink irresponsibly.