As I sip my tea, I think of times we had-- fun... lack of a better word. And I'm being really vague for a reason. You are the epitome of heartthrob, every time I see you, whenever I do see you causes me to think of, nothing. You clear my head and I love that. Like my Bayer asprins, you are my pain reliever. My quick escape. No-- in this blog I refuse to discuss the failed relationships, and the past "flows". Noo... I wont make things any harder anymore, not until next time that is.
This blog is about people. The phonies/wannabees, the ex's/currents, the "friends" and the "well i AM your friend... sometimes", and the I wanna be JUST LIKE YOUs. I admire you guys. You guys make it possible for me to flourish, and be MORE creative, to be MORE of an inspiration for you. Someone for you to idolize. I know I'm going in, but YESSS I do believe I pave the way for alot of my associates, friends, co-workers and ppl I see daily. I am not that different, I'm just a free spirited opptimist and I'd like to be acknowledged as such. I dont walk around SEARCHING for identities. I don't hop on a different train as soon as I think this is me. Because THIS-- IS-- ME. I am an advid blogger who desn't post all her blogs, forgets thing way to often, and I am electronic savvy. I know whats wrong and right, we have different morals, agreed, therefore what I deem necessary and true you might not. Things I hold dear to me are my family, and selective friends.
To my ex's whom I love so much. Yes I do love you. Yall are my rocks, my foundations because-- what I am now is what I wasn't then. You've definitely pushed me to flourish, to decrease my expectations and to not settle. I've noticed how you've always managed me to do things your way, how my way wasn't good enough or just never what you expected. I've become so weak feeding into your bullshit thats it's causing me to lost security. Becoming insecure, next to being like everyone else, is my second fear. I need to spread my wings, freedom is right outside but I refuse to escape. My insecurities keep me.. "home" where everything is safe and adventure is a lie, there is no hope here but there is always tomorrows and more tomorrows after that, that hold the same future and tell the same story. Getting no where with you i soon need to seek refuge, in a new "home" safe and far away from you so that being myself wont make you feel like you have to try hard. Pleasing you, pleasing you, pleasing you to keep you from wanting to change me. Changing me for the better, because this is what you + society wants, but you are society so there becomes the two of you eating away at my safe harbor-- my place of refuge.
to my friends... yall are dope yo. but like hop off my swaggggg.
- la vie est belle =D
Monday, March 2, 2009
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